


Theo in the Whirlwood Episode 1: The Red Caps

by Mewd



Series: Theo in the Whirlwood [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Adventure, Angst and Humor, Comedy, Daddy Issues, Drama, Fae & Fairies, Fairies, Fantasy, Fauns, Forests, Found Family, Goofy - Freeform, Humor, Knights - Freeform, Magic, Monsters, Mythical Beings & Creatures, fey, sword and sorcerery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 29,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23170984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mewd/pseuds/Mewd
Summary: Theodore Grayweather aspires to become a safe and stuffy academic in the industrialized fairy tale kingdom of Laien. His dreams are dashed when he is appointed, under threat of banishment, to become Ranger Deputy of the Whirlwood Valley: an all-purpose public servant for a forest of magical creatures.Theodore ventures into the wood, conspiring to find a loophole to escape his new job, only to befriend the rambunctious faun Oboe. She shows him that the creatures of the Whirlwood, citizens of the kingdom proper, are neglected by their humans and need his help. What’s worse: The most militant of the creatures are out to start a war for revenge.Having learned to care about these creatures, Theodore is forced to choose between his dream of becoming a scholar and risking his life to save the creatures he’s come to care about.
Series: Theo in the Whirlwood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665631
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Episode 1 Chapter 1

Little Theodore dragged his heavy training sword along the mossy ground, stopping at the dark mouth of the cave. He was seven and hoped to see eight.

"I don't want to. I'm scared."

His father towered over him in his armored uniform, arms folded, grinning. "Scared?" He was massive and loud. His skin and hair were dark, his nose pointed, and his eyes fierce. "You're the son of Lance Grayweather. You aren't allowed to be scared."

Theo hesitated, the rocky ground pressing into his shoes. His father slapped him across the back, knocking him off balance.

"Go on," Lance urged. "If you're to be a knight, you have to face danger head on!"

Theo was not sure he wanted to be a knight. He was born small, and at his mother's expense. He was nearsighted and prone to startle. His hobbies included alphabetizing his toys, completing school work, composing numbered lists, memorizing facts from books, and shuffling stacks of paper so the edges lined up. Knights were large, liked to get into wars and shout a lot. Theo thought this meant he would make a very bad knight, but his father always got mad when he said this.

The shadows shifted. Something large moved just out of sight, and Theo felt his knees buckle. He wished with all his heart that he was back at home with his books, that his father would stop dragging him out into the miserable and muddy outdoors for hunting trips, wilderness survival lessons, and combat training.

Theo looked back at his father, who pointed at the cave. His smile was waning. Theo reminded himself that he was a good boy, and swallowed his fear. He pushed up his spectacles and dragged his sword across the threshold of the cave.

A moment later, Theo rushed back out of the cave screaming as a massive creature tore after him. It was covered in scales, and lumbered with a gorilla's gait. Within a few meters it caught up, seized Theo by the ankles, and swallowed him whole.

Lance dashed up behind the creature and bashed it upside the head with the pommel of his sword. The beast toppled like a sack of potatoes. It took Lance a moment to roll the creature over and pry its jaws open. He reached in and pulled out his son, who at no point stopped screaming.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" He sat Theo down and shoved his sword back in his hands. "It was just a guard troll. You didn't even try to fight it!"

Theo was slick with spittle and not yet over the trauma of getting stuck in a troll esophagus. His father pushed him back through the cave entrance.

"Stop it. A knight doesn't snivel. You're better than that."

"I don't want to be a knight!" Theo snapped back, wiping snot, saliva and tears from his face. "I want to go home!"

Lance hushed his son. "We aren't done here. There are wicked fairies about. We leave when they're captured."

Theo threw down his sword. It clattered against the cave floor. "No! I don't want to! I hate this!"

His father stood in the mouth of the cave, blocking him. Theo backed away. Without thinking, he ran off deeper into the cave.


	2. Episode 1 Chapter 2

Theo stumbled through the pitch dark and winding tunnels of the old mine, tears in his eyes. He could hear the rattle of his father's armor as he stormed after him. Lantern light peeked from around a corner and Theo hurried, scraping his hands against the rough-cut walls as he tried to get away.

Gravel gave way underneath Theo and he lost his footing. With a yelp he spilled down a stony shaft, collecting bruises as he slid. He was spat out into a wide chamber and bounced off something big and hairy.

"Huh?" A hairy, burly wolf man with bad posture turned around to look at what hit him. Theo strained to stand up, groaning. Stacks of crates and barrels surrounded him. The room was lit by veins of luminescent ore running through the cavern walls. Theo knew from his textbooks that it was fossilized magic. He was mesmerized long enough to forget about the werewolf staring down at him.

"What're you supposed to be?" It snarled. Theo tried to back away as it snorted a noseful of him. "Some kind of giant gnome?"

"Hah!" a woman laughed. Theo looked. No, not a woman. Her eyes had no pupils. Her skin was a mottle of greens and blue. It was a nymph, draped in a shawl of black feathers. "Imbecile. That's a human child. You'd know that if you left the Hollows once in a while."

"What's a human doing here?" The wolf man scratched his snout. "Edmund is supposed to be guarding the entrance."

"He's probably asleep again." The nymph cradled her temple and sighed. "You get what you pay for."

"Um." Theo backed up against the wall. "A-are you the criminals? Are you going to hurt me?"

The creatures exchanged a glance. "It knows something," the werewolf said. "The Fair Lady won't like this."

"Bring him here." The nymph's face twisted into a hungry smile. "I'll take his voice. Turn him into a tasty toad."

"Like hell!" The wolf shouted. "I found it first!" He lifted Theo by the collar and leaned into his face.

"Listen pup." His breath was wet and foul. "We're gonna play a game. I count to three. You run, and I chase you. If I catch you, I win, and I get to rip you apart."

Normally, Theo loved games. They had lots of rules and everybody waited their turn. This did not sound like one of those. "H-h-how do I win?"

The creature snapped its jaws. "One." He threw Theo to the cave floor. Theo hurried to his feet. "Two..." He looked for somewhere to run in the room of boxes. "Three!"

Lunging from nowhere, Lance tackled the werewolf to the ground. The beast roared and fought back with a flurry of clawed slashes. Sir Grayweather wrestled it down with one arm and used his off hand to plunge a shining silver dagger into the creature's chest. The wolf man let out an agonized shriek as he shriveled, collapsing in on himself.

"Fenrus!" The nymph watched in horror as she watched the body turn to ash. "Damn you humans! I'll kill you both!" She reared back, her legs twisting into tree roots. Her shawl exploded into a spray of feathers and she towered over them, now half tree. She thrust an arm, now a spearing stake, only for Lance to leap onto the limb. With one swing of his iron longsword, he cleaved the nymph's head from her shoulders. Her body writhed in agony, before freezing in place as lifeless wood.

Lance ran to his son. "Theo! Are you hurt? Look at me!"

Theo stared at the severed head of the fairy nymph as the amber blood pooled. Lance shook him and Theo turned to look up at his father. His face was bloody with scratches, his armor was battered, and death surrounded him. This was what a knight looked like. The sort of knight Theo was expected to become.

He burst into wailing tears.


	3. Episode 1 Chapter 3

Theodore Grayweather's hand trembled. He sat hunched over his desk with an ink quill hovering over the enrollment form. His heart pounded with excitement. Double checking the bank statement that he brought home that day, he verified for the tenth time that the numbers were correct. After working for years and saving every last coin he could, he had at last scrimped together enough money to attend the University.

Taking a deep breath, he got to work. Theodore went line by line and column by column, filling the application with writing so tight and precise it appeared to have been made by typewriter. When he was done he still had so much energy left over that he could not help but fill out the second application he picked up in case he made a mistake. He triple checked to make sure everything was in compliance with enrollment policy and then sealed the paperwork into a stamped envelope. After six years of patience, it felt as if the world would end if he failed to find a post office that very minute.

Theodore rushed across his garret apartment to get ready for work. Apart from the battered second-hand furniture, it would be barren if not for the tidy stacks of library books. Most of the volumes were study material for the entrance exam, but it was impossible for Theodore not to come home without five more textbooks than he intended when the world was so full of things to learn. He pulled one of his work suits from the wardrobe hanger and pinned back his long ash-brown hair in the mirror.

No one would guess at a glance that Theodore was a Grayweather, which pleased him. His father, when he was alive, was a mountain of a man with amber skin and slick black hair. At age twenty-two, Theodore was rail thin by comparison. Puberty made him tall but paid him no other favor. He remained slight, scrawny, angular, and pale, with eyeglasses masking bright green eyes. The only thing that betrayed his heritage was his damned nose, which was long and pointed and led people to ask if by some chance he were related to the Hero Champion.

None of that mattered now. Lance was dead, and the only thing standing in Theodore's way from a life of study at the greatest university on the continent was the delivery of an envelope. Careful to navigate around his landlord's eight cats while fixing his tie, he stepped out into the streets of Laien and hurried to the nearest post office.

"Inside city limits?" said the Post Master, who was a talking pigeon wearing a tiny hat. The whole building was an aviary, and smelled like a chicken coop. He watched the envelope balance on the scale. "Express delivery will cost eight thalers."

Theodore had exact change in hand before he stepped through the door. A courier bird launched from a wall-mounted rail perch, snatched up the letter and zipped out the window. Theodore lingered to watch the letter disappear, wishing he could deliver it by hand but knowing there was no more time before work.

The 7:25AM trolley glided across the brickwork roadways of the capital city, propelled by magic. Theodore sat through his commute, watching the familiar slanted roofs, street lamps and monuments pass, when he was seized by a panic. Had he been too hasty? Did he really have enough money put aside after only six years? Something could go wrong. He might be injured. His apartment could catch fire. Monsters from the valley could break in and put a magic curse on him. The train of thought disturbed him so much he almost missed his stop. He resolved to review his budget the moment he got home to be sure he accounted for every possibility.

Theodore stepped off the trolley and made his way across the government plaza to climb the imposing steps of the Laien kingdom's central downtown Bureaucracy Dome. There, on the tenth floor, he clocked in and entered a labyrinth of filing cabinets.

"Thank the Mother you're here!" Randall Silverpin looked more disheveled than usual, with his shirt tail loose and his hair unkempt. "I don't know what to do! There's someone asking to look at the documents!"

Theodore blinked at him, and then glanced around at the filing cabinets surrounding them. "Well, yes. That's what the records department is here for."

"I know that!" Randall said in a hiss, looking over his shoulder. "I just don't know where anything is! This woman just waltzed in and started asking for help! I have to keep telling her it will be just a few more minutes!" His shoulders slumped. "I wish she would go away."

"What is she looking for?"

Relief washed over his co-worker's face. "Floor plans for the king's castle."

"Does she have clearance to look at that?" Theodore said.

"She's the Governor's secretary! Of course she does!"

Theodore made a beeline straight to the cabinet they needed. He fingered through the files, searching for the exact department code. "I can't keep doing this for you. I'm leaving to start university soon. You need to memorize the filing system without me."

"Not if they reject your application," Randall said, hopeful. "Right?"

Snatching the blueprints, Theodore slammed the filing cabinet shut and swept toward the front desk. There, he found a prim but unremarkable woman waiting for them.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Theodore said.

"It's fine." She feigned a smile as she took the file from him. Her eyes focused on his nose, and Theodore dreaded the question that followed. "Pardon me, do you happen to be Mr. Grayweather?"

"Yeah he is," Randall said. "But he doesn't like talking about it."

Theodore shot his subordinate an icy look. "My name is Theodore Grayweather. What of it?"

"I have something for you, from the Governor," she said.

"If you need something filed, it needs to go through acquisitions and claims first."

"Nothing like that." She offered him a piece of paper. "Here."

Feeling uneasy, Theodore took the parchment from her and unfolded it. His hand trembled as he read. In one moment all his plans for the future fell apart.


	4. Episode 1 Chapter 4

"You can't do this to me!" Theodore said, grabbing at air, needing to strangle something. "I've done nothing wrong!" He wanted to knock over a stack of papers for dramatic effect, but could not muster the gall to go through with it.

Gregory Farbend sat at his desk with his hands folded. He was a large and mild man, with dark red skin and a face composed mostly of jowls interrupted by a mustache. As Governor, his job was to manage city affairs on behalf of the king. It was clear by his puzzled expression that he had not expected anyone to barge into his office today and shout about being wrongfully promoted.

"I'm not sure I understand the problem," he said. "This position comes with a doubling of your salary and a field office to live in and operate out of. You should be pleased."

"The problem is I'm a clerk!" Theodore crumpled the transfer notice and tossed it onto the desk. "I organize paperwork for a living! And you are reassigning me to law enforcement? Are you out of your mind?!"

Mr. Farbend chuckled. "I wouldn't assign just anyone to this. Can you imagine my surprise when I heard there was a Grayweather working here at the Dome this whole time? I couldn't have asked for a better candidate."

Theodore paced, rubbing his forehead, wondering who talked. He had been so careful for so long. Randall was the most likely suspect, but he swore to Theodore he wouldn't gossip. "My family name doesn't matter! I'm not qualified for this!"

"Nonsense," Governor Farbend said. "I was well acquainted with your father. He trained some of the finest knights of this generation, and I know for a fact he was grooming his son to be the best of them."

Memories flashed through Theodore's mind, one after another: torn away from his books, dragged by the arm to fencing lessons. Endless lectures on form and technique. Falling from horseback into filth. Arms sore from archery drills from noon to dusk. Bruises, scrapes, sweat and blood. A severed head screaming through the air. His breathing grew shallow.

"I am not a knight," he said. "I don't care what my father told you."

Mr. Farbend scoffed. "The Grayweathers have always been knights."

"And that's why they're all dead!" Theodore said. It would take only a passing glance into the family history to see the grisly truth. Whether they were torn apart by creatures, chopped to pieces by bandits, or killed in honorable duels, every last one of them met an early end. "I'm the only one left!"

"You're getting too worked up over this," Mr. Farbend said. "At least look at the benefits package we're offering!"

Theodore remembered standing at his father's funeral: a closed casket hinting at the gruesome fate Lance met but no one would describe. The reality of what happened was buried under flowers and incense and fancy speeches. Lance was the Hero Champion of the Kingdom of Laien. He was the greatest knight in living memory, and his maimed corpse was found dumped on the side of the road.

"I gave up everything to get away from that life." Theodore turned to leave. "Find someone else to do your thug work."

Mr. Farbend stood up. He pulled open a drawer and slid a document across the desk.

"I trust you know what this is," he said.

Theodore let go of the doorknob as he looked back. His eyes went wide. He did know. "That's a royal appointment form." He picked up the document, adjusting his glasses to be certain. "This is signed by the king." He looked up, his knees ready to give out. " ...You're conscripting me."

He let out a snort. "Well, I couldn't risk some knight order snatching you up! I've needed to fill this position for months!"

Theodore collapsed into a chair. A royal appointment wasn't something he could ignore. Refusing to comply with a decree of this nature was grounds for exile. The Governor snatched the paper away from Theodore's limp grip.

"This really has been no end of trouble for me." Mr. Farbend put the form away and straightened his vest. "I can't just assign some no-name, but it's not like anyone wants the job." He sighed. "Whether you like it or not, the matter is settled. You start next week. Maybe now the fairies and ghasts will stop breathing down my neck about this..."

Theodore sat straight at the mention of creatures. "Wait," he said. "Fairies? Ghasts? Just where are sending me?!"

Governor Farbend froze. It appeared there was one last nasty surprise he had hoped to put off as long as possible.

"...You've been assigned to the Whirlwood Valley," he said. "As the Ranger Deputy, you're to keep the peace among the magical creatures there and oversee the harvest of wild magic."

Theodore gripped the edges of his seat, feeling his whole world careening into the abyss. Things were far worse than he could've imagined.


	5. Episode 1 Chapter 5

Theodore bent over the sink to splash himself with cold water. He stared into his reflection in the mirror, mortified by the uniform he was wearing. A heavy khaki shirt and olive breeches, tailored to endure the rugged outdoors. The Ranger Deputy badge, an eight-pointed star cast in silver and iron, was pinned to his chest. It all made his skin itch. These were the clothes of a brute, paid to patrol the Whirlwood Valley and keep monsters in their place. He added a tie to hold onto some trace of humanity, but it wasn't enough. He looked at his pointed nose, his face, and saw a shade of his father looking back.

How many times had his father dragged him deep into the Whirlwood to train? It was a place so rich with wild magic it attracted every manner of fairy, witch, and ghast. Even if the kingdom made peace with those creatures a long time ago, there was a reason stone walls stood between them and the city. He still remembered the nymph and werewolf that tried to kill him. Theodore wanted no part of that world, but there was no choice. Refusing a royal appointment was treason, it meant banishment from his home.

Theodore tried to imagine himself fleeing to live anywhere else. Grappling to learn the clicky language of Feymire, with its forty-seven vowels and two consonants. The people of Red Spire had yet to discover plumbing, let alone library science. It would not be safe to cross the border into the Sun Meadows on account of his skin tone. The Cloudwell had just started another of its protracted land wars with the empire of Korveil. Every alternative was impossible.

Marching out of the bathroom, Theodore wrestled with a stuck window long enough to crack it open. The capital's skyline stretched ahead of him, with old cobblestone homes and towers standing alongside the sleek and bulbous steel factories. Laien was a masterpiece, the pride and power of the continent, a grid of streets and numbered buildings parceled into elegant postal codes, and at its heart sat the prize: The sprawling campus of the University. It was right there and yet farther than it had ever been before.

Theodore stomped up the stairs to his apartment, startling his land-lord's cats along the way. The room was barren now that the library books were returned. He hurled what precious little he owned into a pair of suitcases, his mind racing. There was a way out of this. There had to be. Laien's legal system was complex, with loopholes and exceptions for everything. When the packing was nearly done, he found room for two heavy tomes on law. If there was a way out of this assignment, if there was some way he could still go to the University, he would find it. He would just have to bide his time for now.

After paying the last of his rent, he uprooted himself and boarded a trolley bound to the Western Gate station. He stepped off on the edge of the city, where the walls towered overhead: centuries old stone erected and warded to repel invaders and every manner of creature. Outside the sanctuary of the capital, civilization faltered. Nervous, he made his way.

“Oi!” a watchman flagged him down. His eyes were dull, like his mind was elsewhere. He had short curly blond locks and wore a tabard over chainmail, checkered green and white. “You the new Ranger Deputy?”

Theodore made eye contact and paused. He withdrew his pocket watch and waited ten additional seconds for the time to tick over to precisely 7:30 a.m., his scheduled arrival time.

“Yes, hello. That is correct.” He snapped the timepiece shut. “I was instructed to meet with the leading officer at the Gate. Is that you?”

“Nah. I’m just Fritz.” The badge on his chest marked him as Lieutenant. He excavated something from his nose and flicked it away. “The captain will be down in the train yard prepping for the harvest. This way, please.”

Fritz led Theodore to the gate, wide enough to allow a whole trade caravan through but barred by portcullis. The Lieutenant picked a small rock off the ground and chucked it at one of tower windows. A man in a plumed helmet leaned out.

“What?!” he called down, annoyed.

“New dep’s here! Open her up, Gary!”

The tower guard disappeared back into the interior. After a few moments, the wall rumbled as the portcullis clattered open. Theodore followed and passed through. Beyond the gate, the roads rolled down into the distant valley where vast tracks of trees spilled out into the horizon all curled together like a briar patch. The capital city overlooked the Whirlwood from the upper rim. From here, Theodore could see a maze of trails running through the forest sprawl like veins. Teetering stone spires and old ruins peeked through the canopy of trees. Islands of rock, soaked in wild magic, floated on the horizon while unseasonal snow fell in pockets. It was a place he had not seen since he was a child and had hoped to never see again.

Fritz glanced back at Theodore. "You’re braver than you look."

Theodore felt a new unease. "What do you mean?”

"I hear the pay is good, but the last guy that had your job up and vanished.” Fritz shrugged. “Probably got himself eaten. Or cursed. The usual. Anyway, follow me."


	6. Episode 1 Chapter 6

Watchmen rushed across the train platform, loading equipment and barrels into cargo cars and helped one another into plated armor. University wizards, in their long burgundy robes, fussed to hook canisters of condensed magic to the hulking engine. The lead engineer appeared with a runed rod in hand. He tapped each canister, and the train roared to life. Acrid, rust-colored fumes belched from the smokestack. It filled the air with the scent of spent magic: like copper and cranberries.

If there was any consolation in Theodore's predicament, it was that he got to see the train. When it was unveiled years ago, the newspaper proclaimed it a triumph of modern engineering. It was a leap beyond the city's enchanted trolley network and would bring even greater prosperity by making the transport of harvested magic fast and efficient. It was the future.

Which was why the condition of the mangled machine sitting in the depot came as a shock. Paint was stripped in clawing streaks. Burns, dents and pock marks peppered the hull. Windows were cracked or shattered. Iron patchwork was welded onto the original frame. This product of the greatest minds of Laien looked like it had rolled through a war zone.

A woman swaggered up to Theodore, rattling in a gilded but battered suit of armor which appeared much like the train. Her shoulders were broad and her forearms were thick as girders. She had dark hair cropped short. The scar training down her face from eyebrow to chin failed to distract from her manic smile. She pulled Theodore into a wrenching handshake before he had a chance to say anything.

"Myra Redriver!" She said. "Captain of the Watch. You must be our new Ranger Deputy."

Theodore extracted himself from the handshake before his wrist shattered. "Er, yes. Good day, madam."

"You're skinnier than I expected. Would've taken you for a cargo inspector if not for the uniform." She rubbed her chin with calloused hands. "Got your father's nose. Not much else, though. That's a pity. He was a fine specimen if you don't mind me speaking off the record." She laughed. "Aw. Don't look so sour. I'm sure if you inherited half of what Lance had to offer, you're twice a man over."

Theodore sucked air through his teeth. He looked to change the subject. "This locomotive travels through the Whirlwood?"

"Just to the Fount. Once a month, we escort a bunch of University eggheads, and they operate the equipment which collects the magic radiation. Then we haul it all back to the city so we can power trolleys, trains, lamp posts, factories, you name it. No small job. Whole city would grind to a halt without us here. You're supposed to double check our numbers so the King knows no one is skimming off the top."

"Yes, I've read my job description," Theodore said.

"Good!" Myra slapped a heavy hand across his shoulder, almost knocking him over. "I certainly didn't know what the hell I was doing when I was your age. Minding the details should make you a fine officer."

Or it would help him escape, Theodore thought.

Lieutenant Fritz grabbed Theodore's suitcases. "Let's board. I'd like a seat that's still got glass in the windows."


	7. Episode 1 Chapter 7

Theodore was sandwiched between rows of knights, canned in full plate mail regalia like a flock of steel coated peacocks. Myra and Fritz sat opposite of him inside the train, with Theodore seated by the window.

"Where are the university staff and sorcerers?" Theodore said.

"The stuffed shirts get their own cars up front," Fritz said. Theodore opted not to express how much he'd rather be sitting with them.

The train whistle shrieked, and the locomotive rumbled to life. The city walls drifted out of sight to give way to farmland, manors, and country villages. They picked up speed as the tracks dipped downhill. The train roared as it plunged into the woodland, tearing through branches and overgrowth in a blur of greens and browns. They slowed to a safer clip, trundling through a parade of trees.

"How far do we need to travel?" Theodore's sense of dread grew as he watched the capital fade into the distance.

"We'll arrive at the center. It's not too long," Myra said. "We'll overshoot your office, but it's safer than walking the whole route on foot."

This did not put Theodore at ease. He studied the forest through the window and contemplated his plan. Barricade himself indoors until he found a loophole. Then he would somehow need to get back to the city unharmed.

The train lurched to a hissing halt, and Theodore was nearly thrown from his seat.

“We’ve stopped,” Theodore said.

Fritz offered a look of mock surprise. “Not on the job yet and already you’re a detective.”

A strong wind howled across the trail, rattling the train on its tracks. Theodore twisted in his seat and pressed his nose against the cold window. All he could see was tangled tree limbs and fog.

Myra pulled the car bay door open, and knights lined up to disembark. She pounded a fist and her troops piled out onto the ground.

“Check the front.” Myra ordered. “With any luck it’s just a unicorn on the tracks again.”

There was another blast of wind, forcing everyone to brace themselves against the hull of the train car. The mist, drifting among the trees, began to pour out from the woods. It turned dark and heavy, swamping around the ankles of the knights and covering every inch of ground in dancing black vapor.

“Is that… normal?” Theodore asked, panic rising in his voice. “That doesn’t seem normal!”

“Well, it’s fairly routine at this point," Myra said.

Theodore eased in his seat. “Then we’re safe.”

“I didn’t say that.” She pulled out her sword and tossed the scabbard aside. “Stay close to me so you don’t get yourself killed.”

“What?”

She leapt outside to join her men. Theodore leaned out the door, looking down at the rising soup of gloom as if it were boiling lava.

Fritz sighed. “It’s harmless, you oaf. Ghasts are obsessed with theatrics. Get down here!”

Theodore climbed down the railing, goose pimples rolling over his skin. “You know what’s causing this?”

“Repeat trouble maker,” Myra said before turning to her men. “You know the drill! Buddy up and spread out! If you’ve got a silver sword, make sure you’ve got someone at your side with iron, and vice versa! Eyes open!” She waved, and they dispersed.

Fritz glanced at Theodore’s belt. “Did you even bring a weapon?”

“Ah…” Theodore had not planned to stay long enough to need one, but now felt a fool. “They were supposed to furnish me on site?”

The lieutenant scoffed and offered the hilt of a hunting knife. Theodore hesitated. He couldn't imagine using it but could not bring himself to argue.

“Come on, then.” Fritz said. Theodore followed behind as they ambled along the length of the train, eyes scanning the fog. Theodore clutched the knife and stumbled, unable to see his footing. When they reached the front, it was clear why they had come to a stop: tree roots had somehow sprung from the ground and entangled the wheels of the engine car. The conductor was already hard at work hacking the growths away with a hatchet.

Something moved and caught Theodore’s eye. He squinted and wiped his glasses on his sleeve. It was a man. Only it wasn’t. It was hunched over, with arms and legs too long, draped in ragged cloth. Heart racing, he struggled out the words: “What is that?!”

The party turned to face the creature. Fog swirled and rippled around it. It jerked closer, its fingers slender, bladed, its skin gnarled like tree bark.

“Turn… back…” It spoke like a ghost someone pushed down a well. “You… are not welcome. Leave, and never befoul this seat of magic again…!”

The Captain rolled her eyes and mimed a yapping mouth with her hand. A few knights snickered.

The creature let out a piercing shriek. “Do not mock me!”

“Cut the stage show, Silas!” Myra said. “We've a right to harvest magic! If you’ve got a problem with it, talk to your chieftain. Now clear off. We’ve got a schedule to keep!”

The creature, Silas, pointed a clawed hand. “Kill the humans!”


	8. Episode 1 Chapter 8

Creatures poured out from beyond the curtain of fog. Trolls, hurling themselves forward on burly arms, lollopped onto the train track tracks with smaller creatures clinging to their backs. Flying creatures, furies, screamed out from the treetops from every direction. The knights readied their swords.

Theodore could not help but think about how, if this were any normal Thursday, he would be working the office printing press at around this time to make fresh copies of various forms. It was tedious and took hours, but he would give anything to be doing that instead right now. A fireball whizzed overhead, and he decided it would be best to stand behind some of the more imposing knights before something killed him.

The trolls swung their heavy arms and the knights darted out of the way to cut grazing strikes across their scaly flesh. Foxes, squirrels and rabbits leapt off the backs of the shoulders of the hulking reptiles and scratched and bit anyone they could pounce on. One of the younger knights screamed across the field, collecting squirrels faster than he could yank them off.

Furies dove from overhead, wailing like angry cats. They were man sized bird people, four of them, with wings instead of arms. They shrieked, swooping to claw and rip with talons and knock knights onto their backs. A barrage of crossbow bolts grounded one and sent the rest into retreat.

Distracted by the melee, none of the combatants noticed a willowy nymph sneaking between the trees. He wore a coat of moss, and his skin was white with dark streaks like birch bark. He placed a hand against a tree and the ground began to rumble. Tree roots erupted from the soil and lashed at the knights, until a few well aimed sword strikes managed to cut the tendrils down to size.

The trolls took this chance to grab gnomes off their backs and pitch them onto the field. The little hedgehog people scampered between the ankles of Myra’s troops, casting spells as they went. Fritz froze in place, paralyzed just as he was about to wind up an attack. Others were transformed into rats, their armor collapsing into noisy heaps on top of them.

Silas drifted closer, gliding across the black vapors. He grabbed at the men turned rats and took them into the folds of his coat. Myra charged, bashing the monster in the face with her shield until he dropped his victims. He grabbed hold of the shield, laughing as she strained against his strength. His legs and arms grew long and wiry, jointed like spider limb. He hurled her away with one shove. He waded out into the brawl, laughing as he swept aside friends and foes alike. The combatants scattered as he spat fire from his mouth.

“Where are our wizards?!” Fritz yelled over the din, still paralyzed. “We need support!”

Theodore had been staring at the battle, stunned in fear and awe. He glanced back at the train, and noticed a banging coming from within one of the cars. Tangled vines webbed over the bay door, holding it shut while muffled cries came from inside. He ran and chopped at the growths with his knife until they snapped apart. The door slid open to reveal a squad of sorcerers in burgundy robes.

The wizards pushed past Theodore and scrambled to form up. They crushed small shards of crystal in their palms and gestured with their staves. The weapons of the knights lit up at once.

“About time!” Myra shouted, taking her shimmering sword in both hands. She charged, shrugging off a spray of flames and slamming her blade into the underbelly of Silas. The monster reeled backwards like a toy, its legs sprawling like a wet spider.

The tide turned. The remaining knights, with magic coursing through their weapons, pushed the creatures back. Their line broke into a full retreat, as the animals, trolls, gnomes, furies and nymphs all fled into the Whirlwood.

“Damned cowards!” Silas said. Before the knights could come to finish him, he sank into his dark mists and vanished. The fog dissipated with him, leaving only bare ground and sunshine.


	9. Episode 1 Chapter 9

In the quiet after the battle, the knights collected the wounded. Fritz, whose body was still paralyzed by magic, had to be hefted aboard like a sculpture by a team of watchmen. Theodore assisted by carrying the armor of a man who had been transformed into a field mouse. Once the last of the vines and roots had been cleared away, the train rumbled back to life and carried them deeper into the Whirlwood.

The medic surveyed the damage to the men. “The creatures are getting bolder.” He was a freckled old wizard tasked with undoing the spells and mending wounds. “Or you all are getting sloppy. Six knights enchanted? And you got yourself elf-shot. This will be an embarrassing report!”

“Shut up!” Fritz said. The knights had propped him up against a window. “If you bathrobes had been on the job, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“Hold still.” The medic said. He moved to place his hand on Fritz’s shoulder, but hesitated. “That was a joke, lad. You ought to laugh.”

Fritz sneered. “Ha. Ha.” There was a pop of magic and Fritz toppled over, his enchantment broken.

“What was that creature?” Theodore said, helping Fritz into his seat.

“Silas Jack,” Myra said. She was cutting wedges off a hunk of cheese and handing it out to her men. “He’s a ghast. Y’know, the sort of devils we used to go to war before the peace treaties. Not that those mean much to the likes of him. He's talked a whole mess of creatures into going wicked. They call themselves the Red Caps.”

Theodore waved away the offered snack. He felt sick, wondering how long he stood to survive in this savage place. “He coordinated an assault and ambush. We could have been killed!””

The captain popped the cheese into her mouth and chewed. “It’s fine. I’ll die of embarrassment before that uppity spook gets the best of us.” She glanced out the window as the train carriage ground to a halt, the engine wheezing one last gasp of spent magic. “We’re here.”

The station platform overlooked the valley floor from a ridge. Below, the woods parted to reveal a deep quarry carved out with pits and ravines. This was the Fount: a wellspring of wild magic so rich it was the envy of all other kingdoms. Theodore peered down, and marveled. Layers of flowing, shimmering gas swirled in each well like a miasma. His eyes and nostrils stung trying to perceive it, to try and tell its color or shape even from this distance. It was invisible, yet so thick and concentrated it bordered on the edge of tangible. Around him, sorcerers and university interns strapped on protective smocks and breathing masks and set to work collecting the harvest.

Fritz joined him, rolling his still-stiff shoulder. “You ever see them gather it before?”

Theodore shook his head. “I’ve only read about it. From what I understand, we leave hermetic inverter modules down there to soak up the thaumaturgic radiation. Once it’s concentrated, it calcifies into crystals which can be purified for safe use by human sorcerers.”

“Alright, nerd,” Fritz said. “I learned to swing a sword so I didn’t have to think about any of that. Here’s a secret: only thing you need to know is that it makes things go, and that means money.”

Fritz started coughing, and moved away from the ridge to escape the magic soaked air.

“It’s more than just that!” Theodore said. “It’s a marvel of engineering. Do you know how much more cost effective this is than digging up fossilized magic? Laien owes its prosperity to this technology, and it’s all thanks to research conducted by the university!”

Theodore realized, with a flash of embarrassment, that the Lieutenant was laughing at him.

“Whatever you say," Fritz said. "Just keep in mind that all this fancy tech wouldn't do anyone any good if it weren't for people like you and me keeping the bathrobes safe."

Theodore frowned. Nothing said it had to be him. There were others better suited to the work.

“You about ready?” Fritz said. “Captain has me on orders to walk you to your office, and I’d like to get that done before the train leaves.”

Theodore took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”


	10. Episode 1 Chapter 10

The branches of the Whirlwood webbed into a canopy above, reaching out in wild curls and twists, filtering the daylight into rays of sunshine. Corkscrew willows, live oaks, and the occasional pine filled the woods, surrounding the rambling trail. The fresh air did not agree with Theodore’s lungs, which had grown accustomed to dusty, neglected office spaces. He wasn't allergic or asthmatic, but he felt it was never too late to learn.

“Drafted, huh?” Fritz said. He had been kind enough to carry Theodore’s suitcases for him. “That’s rough, pal. No wonder you’re so out of place. I don’t envy you. Ranger Deputy has got to be the worst post in the kingdom. You’re out here all by yourself. Even if you didn’t have to worry about ghasts, you still have fairies who’ll want to magic you. And the animals are all wrong too. Once the magic gets inside them, they start talking and acting like they're people. You know the last few guys they assigned out here went missing, right? It’s a death trap if you ask me.”

Somehow the Lieutenant’s sympathy failed to comfort Theodore. They splashed through a shallow creek, and Theodore found himself glancing around the too-quiet woods, wondering what might be out there. He touched the knife tucked into his belt, nervous, only to remember that it did not belong to him.

“I forgot to return this to you,” Theodore said, offering the knife.

“Keep it.” Fritz shrugged. “You did us a solid back in the fight. Besides: I think you’re going to need it more than me.”

While no less anxious, Theodore felt grateful. “Thank you.”

They continued on in silence, until Fritz decided he felt like talking.

“I knew this guy, right? A fairy offered to make him strong enough to cut through stone. Think it was a nymph, maybe a pooka, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. Anyway, thing is, the idiot took the deal. Guy couldn’t handle his sword without snapping it in half. Couldn’t eat without breaking bowls and plates and tables no matter how gentle he tried to be. Took the healers weeks to dissolve the spell. Then there was this private who…”

Both of them stopped in their tracks. Ahead, a grove of trees looked as though it had been set to torch. Several of the trees looked as if something big had torn them open, clawed and gutted. Theodore stepped across the burnt grass and bent down to find toy sized furniture strewn about and broken.

“Hey! Hello! Hi!”

Startled, Theodore looked up to see an iron birdcage dangling from a low hanging tree branch. A bluebird inside cocked its head at him.

“Can you help me? Please? I’m trapped in here and I really want out!” The little bird spoke with a woman’s voice, high and bright.

Fritz bent down behind him to whisper. “Do not engage. Just keep walking.”

“Okay.” Theodore stood up. They passed the cage, and the bird flapped, bouncing around the inside and sending the whole cage swinging.

“Wait!! Don’t go! They locked me in here and no one will help me! I’m all alone! I don’t want to die! Please! WAIT!!”

Theodore stopped, guilt clenching his throat. He looked back.

“It’s a trick,” Fritz said. “Let’s go.”

“What if it’s not?” Theodore said.

“Then it’s a stupid feral that managed to get itself trapped. Not our problem.”

Fritz moved on. Theodore tried to do the same, but felt haunted. He turned back and reached out to open the cage’s door. It was locked.

“What’s wrong?” the bluebird asked. “Oh no. Oh no. It won’t open?! Can you break it?! I don’t want to starve in here!”

Fritz dropped the suitcases with a huff and called back at them. “You’re going to get yourself killed!”

Theodore pulled a couple pins out from his hair. He still remembered when his father tried to teach him lock picking. It was something Theodore never felt comfortable learning, but Lance was insistent that it was a skill even a knight might need. He probed with the hairpins, getting a feel for the mechanism. The lock was simple, and the bolt gave without much fight. The birdcage swung open, and Theodore wondered if this really would get him killed.


	11. Episode 1 Chapter 11

The bluebird fluttered, thrashing around in its cage before managing to work itself out the open door. It flew circles around Fritz and Theodore, cheering.

"Ohh! Ohh!! It's good to get out of there! Wow!" She found a perch on Theodore's shoulder. "Thank you! A whole lot of thank yous! You're the first person who even tried to let me out! It really sucked in there, but you're really nice! Do you want to be friends? I want to be friends. I hear nice people make good friends."

"Great. Now you've done it," Fritz said. "It wants to be your friend."

"W-what should I do?" Theodore was too scared to move.

Fritz grabbed a stick and prodded it off Theodore's shoulder. It toppled off him and fluttered into the air. That was their cue to make a break for it. They sprinted along the trail, only for the bird to fly after and alongside them with great effort.

"Whoa. You're in a hurry!" She was chipper. "Where are you going?"

Theodore glared at her. "Home! You ought to do the same!"

"Okay! I'll come with you."

Fritz slapped his own face. "Argh!" They slowed to a walk once it was clear they weren’t going to escape, and the bluebird reattached itself to Theodore's shoulder.

"Don't make eye contact," Fritz said. "Maybe it will go away."

"That's mean!" She said. "No one ever wants to be my friend! Don't mess this up for me!!" She turned back towards Theodore, leaning to look him in the eye.

"Do you like apples?" she said.

Theodore said nothing, trying to take an intense interest in a fern growing on the side of the trail.

"What's your favorite sort of apple?"

Theodore shooed her away. “I hate apples."

The little bird gasped and plopped onto the ground like a half-inflated ball. "Whoa!” It hopped to its feet and skittered along the ground after him. "That's so weird!! I thought everybody liked apples! Me, I like green ones, but also red ones. How do you feel about bread? Do you like bread?"

Fritz took this opportunity to stomp on the bird.

Theodore bit his lip. "You didn't have to kill it."

"Had to be done," Fritz said, and pried a flat mangled blue disc off the bottom of his boot. "Creatures can play friendly but there's no telling what they're capable of."

Theodore looked at the mess with a mix of disgust and pity. Then, to his surprise, there was a twitch and it popped back to is normal proportions. The little bird wobbled, disoriented, and shook itself back to sense.

"Ow! That hurt! Be more careful!!"

Fritz groaned. "Oh Mother of Magic, what did you get us into?"

"I'm sorry!" Theodore said, not even sure of what to feel anymore. "I thought it was just a normal talking bird!"

"Oh hey." The bird perked its head towards the end of the trail. It opened onto a clearing. "Is that where you live??"

The two men looked. Ahead sat a stone cottage with a thatched roof and a yard drowning in weeds. Fritz waded out into the overgrowth. "Here you are. Home sweet home."   
  



	12. Episode 1 Chapter 12

Theodore turned the key to find the cottage door unlocked, but stuck. He pressed his shoulder into the door, straining to force it open. It wasn't until Fritz joined him that it gave with a sharp crack.

The interior was a disaster. Cobwebs had taken over, coating the walls in layers. Light streaked through cracked window shutters. There was a steady drip in the ceiling despite the lack of rain. Furniture and filing cabinets were upended and splintered. Books and paperwork were strewn across the floor in tatters. Whatever happened to the former Ranger Deputy, it seemed his office had been picked over.

The bird followed them inside, gaping. "You have ceilings?? I'm jealous."

Theodore moved through disheveled rooms: an office foyer, a kitchen, and an upstairs bedroom. All things considered, it was far grander than the garret he had been renting in the city. It was even a bit too large for one person.

"What a dump," Fritz said.

Theodore rubbed his chin. "It will take a few days work to get it presentable."

"Well, don't look at me." Fritz set the suitcases down by the door. "I've got a train to catch. My orders were to escort you here. Nothing more."

“Oh!! I'll help!" the little bird said. "Let me help! I’m great at everything!!” She scampered up to a toppled bookcase and struggled to lift it.

Fritz offered a sideways smirk. “Well, Deputy, it looks like you’re in good hands.” He ambled to the door with a salute. "Good luck out here."

The door closed, shutting Theodore into the dim confines of his new life. He sighed, unsure of what he expected.

The little bird huffed and grunted, scrambling with all her might to pick up the massive bookcase. Theodore watched, pitying them both.

"Please stop," Theodore said. "It's cute of you to try, but it's pointless. You're just a tiny bird. You aren't cut out for that."

She burst out laughing, startling Theodore. “That’s right! I’m a bird!" She said. "I was locked up so long I forgot!”

Theodore raised an eyebrow. "I’m not sure how you forget something like that.”

The little bird erupted. In a blink, its body grew and shifted, snapping to the size and shape of a person. Now, instead of a little songbird, a goat-legged woman was standing in front of him.

“That’s better,” she said, wringing her hands. “Let’s get to work!”

"You're..." Theodore backed away. "What are you?" Fritz was right. He had no idea what this creature was or of what it was capable.

Her entire body was covered in coarse brown fur with speckles and a white underbelly. She was something between a deer and a goat and a human. Her black heart-shaped nose was joined in a short snout, her head wrapped in a messy mane of hair. Stubby little horns poked off the top of her head. Instead of feet her legs ended on a pair of hooves, ankles bent hock, muscles toned. Her smile was playful and her eyes big and brown.

"My name's Oboe! I'm a faun!" she said, lifting the fallen bookcase with a single arm.

Theodore searched his memory. He had taken pride in studying magic creatures as little as possible once his father tried to force him. "That's a type of fairy, isn't it?"

She nodded, sitting the bookcase right side up. "Yeah. And you're human, right? That makes you a type of feral."

"What?" He scrunched his nose. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a talking animal."

Oboe looked confused. "Oh. But humans are non-magic creatures, right? And they learned to talk because magic touched them, and taught them how to think thoughts, right?"

"Well... yes." It was a crude but technically correct summary of leading biological theory.

"So how are humans different from ferals? What makes you different from the squirrels or badgers who think and talk?"

"We just are!" This entire discussion was absurd. "We've got cities and laws and a whole economy!"

Oboe rolled an upturned desk onto its legs. "Oh. I suppose so." She fell quiet, and decided to assist Theodore in picking files and papers off the floor. “We don’t get a lot of humans out here. You don’t dress like a witch either. What brings you out to the Whirlwood?”

Theodore grimaced, wishing he could forget. “I was appointed as the new Ranger Deputy.”

The faun froze, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Papers slipped through her hands and scattered across the floor.

Theodore waved at her, growing concerned. “Are you o-“

She lunged before he could finish. Theodore flailed his arms in self-defense, falling back against the desk. The fairy beast leaned over him, inches from his face.

"THAT'S WONDERFUL!!"

Theodore slumped limp to the floor. Oboe paced in front of him, somehow bouncier than before. "Oh gosh, oh gosh! We haven't had a Ranger Deputy in months! This is amazing! You can help everyone! Finally! You can kill Silas Jack!!"


	13. Episode 1 Chapter 13

It took Theodore a moment to realize the faun was not about to tear out his throat. It took him several more to process what she was asking him to do.

"Kill...?" he said, pushing himself to his feet. “You want me to kill somebody?”

"Yeah!" Oboe said, and mimed swinging a sword. "That's what knights do, right? Slay stuff?"

Theodore grit his teeth. "I am not a knight!"

Oboe blinked, brow furrowed. "Oh." she said. "But the king sent you to help us, right?"

Theodore moved behind the desk, to put something between him and the creature. "He approved the transfer, yes. I was recommended by middle management. I don't know how to fight, and would not fight even if I could."

"Don't all humans fight?" She looked bewildered.

Was she stupid? "No!" Of course they didn't.

Disappointment crept into her confusion. Theodore circled the desk as she tried to follow him. "That's weird. Why would the king send you? How are you going to slay wicked creatures if you can't fight?"

A memory flashed: His father's sword arcing through a slice. A nymph's severed head screaming through the air. A werewolf crumbling to ash under the weight of a knife. Theodore pounded a fist into the desk.

"I'm not going to slay anything!" He startled them both with how loud he yelled.

The two stood in stunned silence. Theodore, prickling, did his best to calm down.

"I'm sorry," he said, "…I need to ask you to leave."

"Aren't you going to help us?" There was desperation in her voice. "Isn't it your job...?"

"It's not my job to kill things!" He said.

"I thought that's what the Ranger Deputy does?"

Theodore felt the world close in around him. She was right, wasn’t she? He marched into this office wearing a military uniform, as if the job description wasn’t drenched in blood.

An epiphany struck. Slipping past Oboe, Theodore seized his suitcase and dropped it onto the desk. It sprang open, and he pulled out his orientation binder as if it were a magic weapon.

"Here!" he said. He opened it to its first laminated page and pointed. "That's my job description!"

Oboe leaned over the page, reading.

"Henceforth, in the year of the Mother 3586, the station of Ranger Deputy is established by decree of the King of all Laien. The appointed shall stand for law and order within the Whirlwood Valley. There he shall keep peace between Man, Ghast, Fey, and Feral. He will oversee the collection and transfer of wild magic for the prosperity of the people. He will speak for the crown among the trees, and give aid to those in dire need."

"Er, yes." Theodore was surprised the faun could read. "As you see, there is no specific mention of killing, fighting, slaying, or similar loathsome verbs."

She looked up. "So you're going to keep peace and help out, but not slay anyone?"

"Uh." Theodore's head spun trying to imagine the logistics behind what he was arguing. It did not matter. All he truly needed was to lay low until he could find some loophole to get out of his assignment. "That... appears to be the case."

Oboe stood, taking in and weighing Theodore's words. She tensed.

"That's amazing!!" She climbed over the desk and lifted Theodore into a crushing bear hug. "You're going to save us and not hurt anyone! That's the coolest thing I’ve ever heard!"

Panic flooded Theodore’s veins. He thrashed to get free, shoving his hand in her face. "Stop! Let me go at once!"

She did so, placing him back down on the floor with care. His skin crawled, wondering if the creature had managed to enchant him.

"Leave." he said, glaring.

"But..." She glanced around at the mess around them. "Don't you want me to help you clean up?"

"I said get out!" He stomped toward her and she retreated.

"Um. Okay!" She lingered in the doorway. "Well. I just want you to know I’m excited about your plan to help us! Thank you so much!"

"Fantastic." Theodore pushed the door into her, throwing himself against it to close it shut. "Goodbye!"

The door clicked shut, and he heaved a sigh of relief.

"Welcome to the Whirlwood Valley!" Oboe called from outside. "I hope you're happy here!"

Theodore locked the door. "I'll be happy when I'm gone.”  
  



	14. Episode 1 Chapter 14

All Theodore needed was to research a way out of his job. There had to be something: a loophole, a legal technicality, anything that would give him the foothold to argue himself free of the royal appointment. There was no telling how long this would take, and that meant he needed to get the cottage into a half-way livable condition.

After clearing out the debris, mopping and sweeping, patching the roof, regrouting the kitchen tile, unpacking and organizing his books and wardrobe, sanitizing the kitchenware, re-alphabetizing the file system, and fixing all wobbling furniture legs, he supposed it would suffice. It bothered him that the plumbing still required maintenance, the vegetable garden needed weeding, and the wallpaper could stand to match the curtains. Sacrifices had to made.

Theodore sprang out of bed at first light to begin his quest. He brewed himself 340 milliliters of coffee and prepared a dish of 540 milliliters of porridge. After ironing his uniform, he settled onto the desk with a stack of law and government guideline manuals. His answer was buried somewhere among those pages, he just needed to find it.

Halfway through his coffee, his concentration was broken by a knock at the door. Dread washed over him. Did anyone know he was here? He sat still, wondering if whoever it was would leave if he stayed quiet.

There was another round of knocking. Theodore got up and crept toward the door. He unlatched the lock and opened the door just enough to peek through the gap.

The yard was crowded with a menagerie of wild creatures of every shape and size. Gnomes, werewolves, foxes, deer, trolls, nymphs, and goblins all locked eyes with him. He slammed the door shut and latched it again. He realized, in a moment of horror, that the cottage was surrounded.

He jumped as the window shutters burst open, a sparkling unicorn stuck its head through the window and craned its neck towards him.

“Greetings human! We of the Whirlwood have come to beseech you!!”

Theodore pressed himself up against the wall, praying he was beyond the creature's reach. He stifled a shriek as a half dozen gnomes rolled off the unicorn’s neck to fall into a dog pile on the floor.

“Hey!” They sprung to their feet. Tiny hedgehog people, dressed in rags and mantles with sharp hair quills, grubby little hands, and long tails. “Why’d they take so long to hire you?!” Their voices were shrill and nasal. They clambered over one another to grab at Theodore’s pant legs. “It’s been months! You’re supposed to help us!”

Theodore shook the gnomes off and jumped over them. He stumbled when he saw foxes, badgers and field mice climbing into the office through the window. The office floor was flooding with wild animals. He fled into the kitchen.

“Where are you going?!” They gave chase.

There was a backdoor where he could make an escape. He threw the door open, and found a werewolf was standing on the other side. It was a massive beast with curls of coarse black hair, a slathering jaw of pointed teeth, a nice silk tie, and blood red eyes. Theodore backed away as it reached toward him with a long sinewy arm, fingers fanned with razor claws. It seized Theodore by the hand before he could react.

“Hello.” It shook his hand. “My name is Barghest. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Theodore pulled his hand free, screamed, and tripped over a dinette chair trying to run. His face pressed up against the linoleum, he wavered on the edge of consciousness, and decided it was an appropriate occasion to faint.


	15. Episode 1 Chapter 15

Voices bickered on the edge of hearing.

“What’d you do to him?! Is he alright??”

“Don’t yell. I’m sorry! I thought I was being cordial!”

“You better not have broken ‘em. He only just got here and my permits still need renewing!”

Reality gripped Theodore with a nasty headache. His vision was a blur of color.

“He’s supposed to wear these!” a familiar voice said.

“Stay away from him, you nameless wretch! If you enchant him I’ll make sure the Circle hears of it!”

Theodore's glasses were forced onto his face, and the world came into sharp focus. He found himself lying on the kitchen table. Squirming, he sat up, and saw the room crowded with fairies, monsters and animals. It was a profound disappointment to realize the past few days had not been an elaborate nightmare.

“He’s okay!” The beasts burst into cheers of delight and as much dancing as the floor space would allow. Theodore watched, reconsidering whether what he was seeing was the result of a concussion.

“Excuse me!” He held out a hand, bringing the celebration to a halt. “What is going on? Are you here to kill me?”

“Kill you?” The werewolf laughed, then furrowed his brow at the crowd. “Does he think we’re wicked or something?”

Theodore felt a sharp stab. He looked to find a gnome, dressed in layered shawls, jabbing him with a tiny cane.

“Don’t you insult us by saying we’re something we ain’t! I’ll have you know that no one in my whole family’s history has ever turned wicked! And that’s counting my late husband’s side. Honestly!”

One of the other gnomes spoke up. “Didn’t Uncle Lanny try to steal that baby once?”

“I didn’t ask you, Lyle! We don’t talk about Lanny! It doesn’t count!”

Whatever was going on, the creatures did not seem to mean any harm. Theodore didn't feel enchanted, not that he had any idea what that felt like, and couldn't even locate any bite marks. He slid off the table onto his feet, and the creatures made room.

“What’s going on?" Theodore asked. "Why are you all here?”

A faun shoved her way to the front. It was the one he met yesterday, Oboe. “I went to tell everybody about you! You’re welcome!”

Theodore stiffened. “Why would you do that?”

“Um.” Doubt dripped across her face. “Everybody’s been waiting for a new Ranger Deputy for months. I thought I’d help and let them know you arrived!”

“Yeah!” a goblin said. “I need to get my visa renewed so I can work in the city again!”

“Me too!” said the troll leaning in the doorway.

“Is getting a visitor’s pass easier?” a talking fox asked. “I’ve wanted to go inside the walls all my life.”

The werewolf raised his hand. “My haunting license is almost expired.”

“I have questions about starting a small business!!” a boar said, pushing others out of the way for attention.

“So…” Theodore started to understand. “You’re all needing help with paperwork and documentation?”

There was a collective murmur of agreement. “I guess so.” “Yeah.” “Pretty much.”

Today had not gone as expected. Theodore was annoyed that he'd been sidetracked from his research. However, the work was at least to his taste. There was no harm in him assisting with a few permit applications and renewals.

“You've caught me unprepared. Let me set up my desk and papers and we can get started. Who’s first?”

The entire room exploded into argument. Creatures on every side started shouting that they were first. They pulled at Theodore’s clothes, bellowed and started fighting and shoving. Theodore had to climb back onto the table to avoid getting pulled into the skirmish.

“Stop!” he said, but his voice was lost in the noise. “KNOCK IT OFF!”

The room froze mid-brawl. Theodore was shocked by how readily they responded to his command. He cleared his throat and straightened his uniform.

“There is no need for violence,” he said. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to have to get organized.”


	16. Episode 1 Chapter 16

The fun part was designing a system to assign turn order. Theodore corralled the creatures into the yard, and set to work cutting out numbered slips of paper. He set up a table outside with the tickets and a pitcher of lemonade, and announced turns would be assigned by lottery.

After calling out numbers, it was clear after the first few that most of the monsters simply needed to fill out and submit appropriate forms. Soon the office was filled with creatures, many hunched over tables and corners filling out forms while Theodore floated between them answering questions.

"Hey!" A pooka flagged him down. He was a small rabbit man, with black fur and golden eyes. "What am I supposed to do if I haven't got a mailing address? I live in a hole. I dug it in the dirt. Mail isn’t a thing that happens."

Theodore pointed to section C of the application. "Indicate here that you want the visa delivered to this office. You'll have to come back in a month to pick up your visa."

“Umm!” The werewolf stuck his long arm straight up to the ceiling, holding it up with his free hand. His face was a shaggy mop of hair and teeth."Mr. Deputy! I need help please!"

“What is it now, Barghest?” Theodore asked, careful to step over the gnomes.

“Can you check that I’m doing this right??” He held up a permit renewal decorated in careful chicken scratch. “I have to do these two pages as well, right?”

“No. Remember, you are just asking for an extension of your permit. Those pages are only for new applications.” He scanned the document for errors, and nodded. “You’re doing fine. There’s no need to get so worked up.”

“If I don’t get this submitted on time, they’ll take away my haunting ground!” He squirmed in his seat, tugging at his neck hair. “I can’t lose it! I’ll die!”

Theodore hovered closer. “It’s okay. Breathe. If it’s so important, why did you wait so long to renew?”

“I couldn’t! There’s been no Ranger Deputy in months, and I’m not allowed in the city! It expires in two weeks! Are you sure it’s going to get submitted on time?!”

Theodore hesitated to touch Barghest, but gave the werewolf a reassuring pat. “I’ll notarize it so they know you filed today. You won’t lose your claim even if your paperwork lapses, alright?”

The wolf man breathed in and out until he calmed. “Okay," he said. "And you’ll double check for mistakes before I leave, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“...Thank you.” Barghest pressed his face back up to the paper, squeezing the tip of his pencil.

Theodore glanced around the room and found a rare moment where everyone was at work but no one was looking for help. The sound of scribbling filled him with a sense of gratification. He drifted through the room, and noticed a fox struggling in the corner. She gripped the pencil with her teeth and scraped it across the paper in slow and nervous strokes. The fox had been toiling over the first sheet of the city visa application for the past half hour.

Theodore stepped closer. "Would... you like me to help you with that?"

“Wo hoo bant elp!"

"What?"

She spat out the pencil.

"I said don't help me! You can't! Last time they turned me down because I didn't do all of the paperwork myself!"

Theodore backed off. She was, of course, correct about the policy. He just felt bad to watch her. "I'm sorry."

The fox looked down at the remaining ten pages of demographic forms, with budding tears. "I just want to eat at a nice restaurant."

Theodore felt a pang of sympathy. "I'll let you work in peace. Pardon me."

She nipped at the pencil, picking it up back up with her teeth and resumed her laborious task. Before Theodore could move away, he was cornered by a half dozen sylph.

"We are next!" they announced, and maneuvered to surround him. They were bug people, the size of human children. Their bodies were bulbous like lady bugs, with shrill nasal voices, two pairs of eyes all glaring, and antennae dangling off their shelled heads. "You will attend to us, human!"

"One at a time, please!" Theodore said.

"Impossible!" the lead speaker said. "This matter concerns our whole Hive of Commerce!"

"We have submitted our applications for trade visas," another said. "Yet we have not yet received them!"

This was ridiculous. "That was less than an hour ago," Theodore said. "You have to wait three to four weeks for them to arrive."

"Unacceptable!" The sylph vibrated their wings in anger. "We cannot lose profit just because your government was too useless to assign a new worker!"

“There are deliveries to make!" another said. "Your university depends on our spell weaves, and our wares bring in trade from across the sea! It is in your interest to help us!"

Theodore pondered this puzzle. "If you have your expired papers, I can stamp them for emergency extension."

The sylph broke formation and huddled, exchanging chirping whispers until consensus was reached. "We will retrieve our documents. Do not die before we return!"

Theodore retreated into the kitchen to brew an additional 170 milliliters of coffee. There was still a dozen more creatures waiting in the yard. It was going to be a long day, yet Theodore was surprised by how much he was enjoying it.  
  



	17. Episode 1 Chapter 17

The eldest gnome yelled as two of her sons made a production to hoist her onto the desk. She harrumphed and straightened out her many flowing shawls. Her hair spines were tied up in a floral headscarf.

“It’s about time you got to me!” Her fanged snout scrunched in a scowl. “Finally have time for ol’ widow Mahala, eh?”

Theodore moved his papers to make room as Mahala stamped across the desk with her cane. “It’s been busy. How can I help you?”

“You’re going to get my son back, is what!” She said, glaring at him with button eyes.

“Pardon me?”

“You heard me!” she said. “I need you to perform a rescue! The Red Caps kidnapped my oldest and you’re going to save him!”

Theodore searched through his stacks of forms, as if there was a sheet pertaining to this sort of request. Mahala smacked his wrist with her cane.

“I ain’t doing any scribbling! You need to haul your furless butt out into the woods and bring back Lemmy before something awful happens!”

“I...” Theodore glanced around the room for help that was not there. Oboe met his eyes with a smile and a wave. “I suppose I could make a report at least.” He fumbled with his pencils.

“Oh yeah?” She rose to her full height, coming up to Theodore’s chin. “What’s that gonna do? Is your report going to rescue my son?”

Theodore broke into a cold sweat. Things were going so well until this moment. “There likely isn’t much more I can do right now. If he’s been kidnapped, he could be anywhere.”

“I know!” Oboe said, tripping over her own hooves rushing to the desk. “I saw Lemmy! Just the other day! I was there! I can help!”

Theodore snapped his pencil in half. “Haha. Did you? Is that so? Really?”

“Yeah!” She pulled Theodore out of his seat by the arm. “It was right before they stuck me in that cage! I can show you right now!”

“That won’t be necessary!” He yanked his arm away. “I couldn’t dream of endangering a civilian.”

“Please let me help!” Oboe said. “If it weren’t for you, I’d have died in that cage."

Theodore wracked his brain for excuses. “I’ve a great deal of filing to do, and there are still others waiting for help. Perhaps later.”

“Not later, now!” Mahalla said. She whipped out her numbered ticket. “It’s my turn! I’ve been waiting all day! It’s me! Now get out there and find my son!”

She leapt off the desk and rapped Theodore about the ankles with her cane with surprising strength until he fled out the door. “Go on! Get!”

Theodore stood in front of the handful of creatures he had yet to assist, including a few goblins and a deer buck that had fallen asleep. He cleared his throat.

“I apologize, but I will have to ask the rest of you to come back another day. It seems I am being called away on business and will most likely die shortly. Thank you for your patience.”  
  



	18. Episode 1 Chapter 18

Theodore stopped to gasp for breath, struggling to keep up as Oboe led him uphill. "Where are you taking me?"

"The Gnome Boroughs!" Pebbles tinkled down the hillside as the faun leapt between rocks with ease. "It's just over this rise! C'mon!"

Stones jutted from the stony slope like hungry teeth. Theodore looked down the steep drop, thinking of how many bones he could break if he slipped. "Isn’t there a safer way?”

“Yeah!” Oboe said. “But I wanted to take you the fun way!”

Theodore grimaced. “There is nothing more fun than workplace safety. We should turn back.”

“No!!” She bent down and offered her hand. “I promise I’ll keep you safe. We’re almost there!”

Theodore looked at the long trek back and decided he might as well see it through to the top. He took Oboe’s hand and she pulled him up into the air like a ragdoll, until he caught his footing on the ledge.

"So, what's your name?" She said.

"Huh?"

"I told you my name. We haven't really met if you don't tell me yours."

He hesitated, wondering if it were safer to withhold that information. It was common sense to beware of fairies, but there was nothing but warmth in her face.

"...Theodore." He offered a handshake. "My name is Theodore."

Oboe hopped to the next ledge. “Theodore? That’s a weird name. Why is it so long?”

He lowered his hand. “It’s just my name.”

“Oh!” She kicked a fallen log to make a ramp for him. “You know what would be cooler?? If you went by Theo! That'd make for a good knight name!"

Theodore almost fell. “No!” He steadied himself against the hill. “Don’t call me that. A name is only proper if it utilizes all of its syllables. You will address me as Theodore, and I am not a knight.”

“We made it!” Oboe clambered up to the summit. “Look! Look!” She beckoned for him to hurry. “You can see the whole North side from here!”

Sore from the climb, and from being ignored, Theodore made the last push to the top. There, he found a nice flat stretch of solid ground and collapsed. Oboe took the liberty of tilting his head towards the view.

“You can see the Upside Hills from here, and Fishmen lake! Oh, and the Fount too! If we were a little higher we might be able to see the Twilight Grotto, but if you squint you can see where the Farbend starts!”

Theodore felt the wind on his face and sat up. It was odd for him to realize the valley contained so much. The Whirlwood had always just been a vague blob on a map. It was a notion, more than a place. “You really know your way around,” he said.

“Yeah. I have a lot of time to wander.” Her gaze dropped, and the excitement drained from her face. “…I found this spot ‘cause I thought I might be able to see the Fairy Circle if I climbed high enough, but that was stupid. You can’t. There’s too many spells on it.”

They lapsed into a moment of quiet. Oboe shook her head. “Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Theodore said.

“I’m wasting your time. You’re important.” She trotted toward the trees. “The Boroughs are this way!”

Theodore wanted to rest a bit longer, but before he could object she raced off into the trees. He rolled onto his feet to follow.

They entered a grove and Theodore stopped dead in his tracks. All around the trees were gutted, just like the ones where he found Oboe. Dozens were torn open to splinters, knocked down, or stripped bare.

"Here we are!" Oboe said. "This is where I saw Lemmy!"

Theodore stared. Something large and angry had come through, and Theodore had a sense that this would not be the last time.


	19. Episode 1 Chapter 19

Theodore wandered through the grove, finding carnage in every direction. Inside the trees he could see little bedrooms, kitchens, and homes carved out and bisected.

“What happened here?” Theodore said, running his hand over the opening.

“Trolls.” Oboe said, picking a tiny teapot off the ground and placing it on the little kitchen table. “The Red Caps came through here looking for recruits. If anybody didn’t want to join, they started smashing their home up. Most of the gnomes ran.”

Theodore imagined a creature with the strength to split a tree in half and winced. “They were the ones that kidnapped this gnome kid?”

Oboe nodded.

“I… I can’t do this.” Theodore said. “I can’t fight something this strong. I don’t even stand a chance.”

She tilted her head. “I thought you weren’t gonna fight anyone at all?”

“I don’t want to!” He pointed at the tree. “Am I supposed to reason with the monsters who did this?! What do you expect me to do?”

Oboe shrugged. “I’m not the Ranger Deputy. They put you in charge to figure this sort of thing out, right? That’s your job.”

Theodore stood straight again. “I suppose you’re right.” He loathed admitting it. Until he found a way out of the job, he had an obligation to see this through. There was no clocking out until every last form had been filed. “Fine. Which way did they go?”

Oboe gave a bigger shrug. “I dunno.”

“What?! I thought you said you saw what happened!”

“Yeah!" She said. "...Well, most of it. I remember Lemmy being here. He's the one that smells like mud and walnuts, and he was almost my friend once. When the Red Caps started smashing stuff, I got upset and told them to stop. That's why Silas had the trolls stuff me in that awful iron cage. I couldn't change shape or anything!"

Theodore rubbed his face. “...So you have no idea what happened after that."

Oboe struggled to produce an even bigger shrug.

“This is hopeless!" He said. "How am I going to find them? Were there any other witnesses?”

Before she could attempt a shrug beyond her physical capacity, she stopped. “Oh! I know! We can ask the birds!”

“…Birds?”

Oboe hopped into a sprint, leading Theodore to the edge of the borough. There, she cupped her hands around her mouth to shout.

“Hey birds! Birds! Get out here! Hey!!”

A cascade of sparrows and finches wheeled out of the trees and settled in rows on hanging branches. They glanced in every direction, trilling, chirping, and preening.

“Hello! Hello!” One said. “What do you want??”

“Uh. Good afternoon.” Theodore stepped up. “I am Ranger Deputy Theodore Grayweather. I’m investigating the disappearance of a gnome. Did any of you happen to see anything?”

“Ya. We see lots of stuff." The others chimed in after. “Trees.” “Grass.” “A faun, a human.” “Clouds?” “There’s a big rock over there.” “Trees!” the first insisted again.

"Incredible." Theodore shot Oboe a scowl. "These are witnesses? Are these even real birds? Or are they magic like you?"

Oboe looked offended. "These are normal talking birds."

"I'm actually a gnome." The leftmost finch said.

She pointed. "Except him."

Theodore pushed up his glasses to fully bury his face in his palms. After he fully consigned himself to his fate, he resumed questioning.

“A young gnome was carried off from here the other day by a pack of trolls. They wore red caps. Did any of see where they might have gone?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! They trashed this joint and ran off to the caves. Yeah.”

Theodore opened his eyes. “What caves? Where?”

The flock broke into a frenzy of warbles. “Crookhole Mine!”


	20. Episode 1 Chapter 20

Theodore froze, staring at the gaping mouth of the mine. It sat up at the end of the trail, nestled among the foothills, waiting for him. The sight sent his heart pounding and reminded him of a long time ago when he was small and trapped.

“I’ve been here before," he said.

“You have?” Oboe looked surprised. “Do you do a lot of smuggling?”

Theodore raised an eyebrow. “What're you talking about?”

“All sorts of sneaky, crimey creatures LOVE Crookhole Mine.” She wiggled her fingers, presumably to mime being a criminal. “There’s all this fossilized magic in the ground, and it makes it hard to find anybody. It's hard to smell anything, and human gizmos get all confused.”

“I see.” No doubt the mine was abandoned once the University discovered how to purify wild magic from the Fount. “And now it’s being used by the Red Caps.”

Flags flew over the entrance. Scraps and torn rags ripped from knight uniforms were sewn together and dyed red. Theodore crossed the threshold and into the dark, wondering why life had conspired to bring him here again.

The memory of falling urged Theodore to creep forward with careful footing, with Oboe following right behind. They stepped over snarled minecart tracks, and the shadows grew deeper as they strayed farther from daylight. The quiet heightened every sound; the crunch of their own footsteps put Theodore on edge. He wanted an excuse to turn back, to say they had delved deep enough and nothing could be done, but a job left half done did not sit right with him.

The path forked. Cart rails dipped into the dark one way, and along the other there were bright lanterns strung along the tunnels walls. The lamps were new, burning magic with a faint hum. If anyone was to be found down here, it would be this way.

The lights led them into a wide chamber. Upturned minecarts were stripped of their wheels and repurposed into tables. Bedding of various sizes was padded over the hard ground. A single gnome was slumped across a pillow, drooling.

“Is this him?” Theodore said, whispering.

Oboe sniffed. “Hard to tell. I think so, but I can't get his scent. Gnomes all look the same to me. Just cute little blobs."

“He might be one of the Red Caps," Theodore said. "What do we do?”

“Let’s try asking him,” Oboe said, and started shaking the gnome. “Hey! Wake up!”

Theodore choked back a scream as the gnome plopped off his pillow onto the cave floor. It yawned, rolled onto its butt, and blinked at them.

“Are you Lemmy?” Oboe said.

“Yeah." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His quills were cream colored, and one of his fangs was chipped. He wore a little mantle embroidered with a molehill.

Theodore was astounded by their luck. “Your mother sent us! We’re here to save you.”

“Save me?” Lemmy said. “I don’t need any saving.”

“What are you talking about?” Oboe lifted him by the scruff. “You got kidnapped by the Red Caps, so we’re here to rescue you!”

The gnome wriggled free and dropped to the floor. “Nobody kidnapped me! I joined 'cause I wanted! Silas told me we're gonna get rid of the humans! It's gonna be awesome." It was at this point the gnome was awake enough to really look at Theodore. “Oh hey. I remember you. You’re that string bean human who got in the way when we were attacking the train!”

Theodore pinched at his brewing headache. It seemed Mahala neglected to mention some key details. “Lemmy. I’m not just any human. I’m the Ranger Deputy, and you’re in a heap of trouble. You joined a group of wanted outlaws!”

“So?” Lemmy crossed his arms. “Silas said that won't matter once the humans are gone. It's going to be way better without you around."

Theodore scoffed. "What's wrong with humans?"

"You think you're so much better than us creatures 'cause you've got your city and your jobs and your money. Lots of us here in the Whirl need jobs. We want it nice like you've got it or how the Circle's got it. You don't care. You don't want to help us. All you do is make it harder all the time! Well, after we kick all you out we'll take all the jobs and money and then you'll be sorry!"

Theodore felt a strange discomfort. He thought about all the creatures who'd come through the office needing work visas, license renewals, and other essential documents needed to enter the capital. "I see," he said. This was a problem, but it did not excuse violence. It did not make attacking the train the right thing to do.

"So, what happens if this plan doesn't work?" Theodore said. "What if you get arrested instead?"

Lemmy stared at him. This outcome had apparently never crossed his mind.

“I’ll tell you what will happen," Theodore said. "You’ll get hauled before the court with a charge of treason. You’ll be labeled wicked, and be jailed or executed. Then your mother is going to stop talking about you, like she does with your uncle.”

There was a long pause. Uncertainty crept into the gnome's face. "Is mom mad?” Panic set in. “...I don't want her to be mad at me. Do you have any idea what she’s like?"

Something huge dropped from the ceiling and shook the ground. Theodore turned around to find a massive spider-like creature looming over them, covered in dangling locks of ragged hair. Its mouth opened, two thirds of its body and lined with giant molars. It smiled.

“What’ve we got here?”


	21. Episode 1 Chapter 21

Theodore backed away as the massive creature stalked closer. Its eight legs, each ending with a hand filled with long and bony fingers, brushed alone the ground until it leaned over him. It watched Theodore with cat-like eyes, pupils widening.

“Hey Glut!” Lemmy said, waving.

“I see that we have visitors," Glut said. His voice was a cloying rasp. “What're they doing here, Lemmy?”

“He wants me to quit the Red Caps. He says I’ll get in big trouble if I keep attacking humans.”

Glut chuckled. “You know what I think? I think you’ll be in bigger trouble if you try to desert.” He swiveled one of his eyes to focus on Oboe. “Isn’t that right, little faun? Want to tell him about that cage we put you in?”

Oboe gave him a dirty look.

"Wait." Theodore turned toward her, alarmed. “You're one of the Red Caps?!”

She was careful to avoid his eyes, ashamed. "No!" She said. "Not anymore! I quit!"

Glut licked his teeth. “Is that so? You didn't beg the boss for forgiveness? That's disappointing. Guess I'll have to give you a permanent punishment." He looked down at the gnome. “Watch close, Lemmy. You’ll get worse if you try to run.”

Oboe stepped between them. “Don’t listen to this jerk! He's not a real friend! Real friends don't threaten you or hit you!” She whipped around and pointed at Glut. “You stuck me in a cage thinking no one would ever let me out! Well, you were wrong!” She grabbed Theodore and pulled him forward. “Theo here is the Ranger Deputy! And he’s going to put a stop to all of you!

Theodore squirmed in the center of attention. Glut eyed his uniform up and down. “So he is.”

The spider-beast smacked Theodore away, sending him flying across the chamber and crashing through a stack of old rotting barrels. Theodore struggled to move, dazed. Had he broken any bones? He could hear Oboe shouting. He had to do something or he would be killed. Pulling himself onto his feet, he saw Oboe grappling hand in hand with Glut. The two strained against one another's brute strength.

“Stay away from him!” Oboe screamed.

Glut grabbed her with one of his other hands, and Oboe shrank, slipping through his fingers as a tiny mouse before leaping onto his face. She ballooned into a grizzly bear and tore into him, biting and scratching.

Theodore’s fingers trembled over Fritz’s knife, still at his belt. His mind raced. Could he bring himself to do anything with it? He’d be killed. This was a fool’s errand from the start. Oboe was one of them. He needed to run while the monsters were distracted. He staggered towards the exit.

“Lemmy!!” Glut shouted, struggling to pull Oboe off his face, “Don’t let the human escape! Get him!”

Theodore and Lemmy met each other in the eye. Doubt was etched in the gnome’s face, but he raised his arms.

“Is this who you want to be?” Theodore said. “Your mom wanted me to help you.”

"What do you care?!" The gnome said. "At least the Red Caps want to make things better for creatures!"

"It doesn't have to be like this!" Theodore said, desperate. "We can fix things together!"

Lemmy’s arms fell limp. “...Do you promise?”

“You little…” Glut spiked Oboe into the ground and she snapped back to her normal form. Glut scrambled across the chamber to block the exit. “I’m going to kill the lot of you!”

Theodore moved to help Oboe up. She teetered in his arms. “Are you okay?! Can you still fight?”

“Yeah, I… Let me… at’em.” Her eyes blinked out of synch and out of focus. “Just tell the cave to quit spinning.”

Behind them, Glut was plugging the way out with rocks. He turned back with a hungry grin once they were sealed inside.

“We’ve got to run,” Theodore said, slinging Oboe’s arm over his shoulder. He helped her into one of the smaller tunnels, too narrow for Glut to fit inside, and Lemmy scrambled in after him.

“Come here you little morsels!” He reached through the opening to grab at them. “There's nowhere to go!”

They tried to back away, and almost tipped over into a pit.

“Is there another way out?” Theodore said.

Lemmy shook his head. “There’s just pits this way! It’s a dead end!”

Theodore remembered falling down a dark pit as a child. He swallowed. What were the odds this was the same hole? Behind them, Glut’s long arm snaked around rocks to snatch him up.

“We’re going down,” he said. He grabbed Lemmy, took hold of Oboe, braced himself, and jumped.


	22. Episode 1 Chapter 22

Theodore tumbled into darkness with Oboe in his arms and Lemmy clinging to his face. They bounced down the clefts of the shaft, collecting bruises, until they landed like a heap of laundry at the bottom.

Sore, but alive, Theodore pulled Lemmy off his face. He looked around to see the cavern lit up in streaks of azure and violet. Veins of old magic ore veined through the walls, glowing bright.

Theodore was relieved to find that the frames of his spectacles were bent but not broken. He looked up the shaft, hoping there was no way for Glut to follow them.

“How’d you know this was down here?” Lemmy said. His voice echoed off the walls.

Theodore pressed a fresh crink out of his spine. “It’s a hard fall to forget.” He checked to make sure Oboe was breathing. “Are you okay?”

Her eyes popped open. “Yeah!” She rolled over and sprang onto her hooves. Up and alert, she marveled at the fossilized magic around them. “It’s pretty down here!”

"Nevermind that," Theodore said. "You owe me an explanation. You didn't tell me you were one of the Red Caps!"

"Oh." Her ears drooped. "Is it okay if I tell you now? I was a member of the Red Caps."

Theodore could not believe this. "So you were a criminal the whole time."

"No!" She said. "I'm not wicked! I only joined for a little bit."

"And that makes it okay? Why would you join a band of outlaws?!"

Looking down, she shuffled her hooves. “I didn't know they were bad. It was all these different creatures, acting like a family. They said they wanted to make the Whirlwood a better place, and didn't care who I was. It was nice. I thought I could make some friends." She wiped her snout and looked up. "Then they asked me to use my magic to hurt humans and got mad when I said I wouldn't. They wouldn't let me leave after that."

Theodore grabbed a handful of his own hair in frustration. "What you're telling me is you joined without realizing what you were joining. ...Are you an idiot?"

Lemmy punched Theodore in the shin. "Hey!" He said. "Lay off!"

Theodore looked down at the gnome.

"The faun didn't do anything wrong," Lemmy said. "Lots of creatures join the Red Caps wanting to fix things. It's not her fault they turned nasty. I saw what happened. She stood up to Silas and Glut and five whole trolls even though she didn't stand a chance. I say that makes her real brave!"

"What does that make you?" Theodore said, pointing. "The Red Caps attack your village and you join them? What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just a gnome," he said. "If a faun couldn't win, I wasn't about to try." He shrugged. "Joining meant he'd leave mom alone, and maybe I could be part of something big. Silas needs numbers if he's going to turn things around."

Theodore scoffed. "And your solution is fighting humans?

Lemmy bared his teeth. "The only thing you humans care about is harvesting magic! You forgot about us. Maybe fighting is the only thing that'll make you pay attention!"

"It doesn't have to be like that anymore," Oboe put herself between them. "If Theo is the new Ranger Deputy, that means he can talk to the humans and we can work things out. ...Right?"

Theodore had no argument. It was clear from the number of creatures swarming the office for help that things had gotten out of hand. "...There hasn't been a Ranger Deputy in months. Maybe if there had been, this wouldn't have happened."

The little hedgehog man looked him dead in the eye. "Did you mean what you said earlier? Are you really going to help us?"

Theodore hesitated. There was no way he was the right person for this task, but it wasn't something he could turn his back on either.

"I'm going to do what I can," he said. "The governor needs to know about this. Maybe the King. Something needs to happen."

Lemmy's face softened. Looking down, he nodded. "Okay," he said. "I don't want to be wicked. This just felt like the only thing I could do. If there's another way, if I can count on you, I think I made the right call."

Like that, the argument was over. Theodore felt uneasy, like he was saddled with more than he bargained for, but at least now they could move on.

"What do we do now?" Oboe said.

"Well, first thing we need to do is find a way out of here," Theodore said.

Oboe glanced around the chamber. There were five different tunnels heading in every direction. "Which way is out?"

Theodore had no idea, but both creatures stared at him and waited. It appeared the Ranger Deputy was expected to lead them out of trouble. He sighed. There was nothing to do but start looking.


	23. Epiosde 1 Chapter 23

Traipsing up and down the mine, Theodore wracked his brain trying to remember how his father escaped. The memory was bitter and foggy. He was crying, and his father ordered him to be quiet. They were both speckled with blood, and Theodore recalled feeling as scared of his father as he was of the creatures. Lance pulled him along by the arm, feeling his way along a trail of light.

Theodore traced his hand over the vein of fossilized magic. He scraped at the filth that crusted the top and followed the glow underneath.

"There!" He said, recalling his father's excitement. "The mine cart tracks! They should connect to the outside! We can follow them!"

"Good thinking!" Oboe said.

"Uh, guys?" Lemmy started to bristle. "...Do you hear that?"

Theodore stopped to listen. A sound was swelling through the lower chambers. A mournful melody rang on strings, echoing off the tunnel walls. "What is that?"

Oboe flicked her ears. “Sounds like a violin to me.”

Lemmy scrunched his face. “I don't know a lot about exploring caves, so I my might be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure that’s a cello.”

“You’re right,” Oboe said. “Definitely a cello.”

There was little chance of the musician being friendly. "We can sneak by if we keep silent," Theodore said. "Come on."

The music only grew louder as they followed the rails. It was a dirge, bleak and slow, and each note echoed through the tunnels around them to linger.

Oboe kicked a stone by mistake. It clattered along the cave floor, and the music was gone.

"Sorry!" Oboe said. Theodore hushed her and leaned against the wall. After a few moments of perfect silence, he motioned for the others to follow him as he crept along the wall. Rounding the corner, Theodore peeked and discovered a bedroom.

A cello was propped up against a wall but the musician was absent. A long hammock stretched overhead between rocks. Books were strewn about in a messy, irritating manner alongside dirty dishes.

Whoever was here had gone but was no doubt nearby. Theodore entered with caution. In the center of the room was a stalagmite cut across to form a table. A map of the country was draped over it, with white tokens spread over the valley and black ones piled on top of the capital city.

Scraps of paper were strewn everywhere. Some were crumpled, most were torn to pieces, but one in particular appeared to have been flattened back out. Theodore bent over to look. It was filled with scratched out sentences and short blurbs. A few scattered phrases were circled, underlined and re-written over again.

_ Fount _ _is the key. Choke the city. **Starve** them out. Like they did w/Scarlett. **Justice.**_

_Devil **damn** them. **parasites**_

There was a crude drawing of the Fount, with sketches of possible fortifications.

_Low ground. **awful** position. Perimeter huge. Open/Vulnerable._

_Need more recruits to hold._

_Countess sends money. need **SOLDIERS**_

_Need army. How? Force them? ~~I can’t~~ Greater Good_

_Hollows = cowards. toadies. **useless**._

_Fair Lady = no support. Recruit from Whirl_

_Scarlett_

Theodore put the note back, feeling faint. He found a first draft for a revolt. “This is the leader’s room.” He scanned the shadows for the vanished musician. “We need to leave.”

Oboe struggled to climb back out of the hammock. “Okay! Which way do we go from here?”

“Uh. Not that way.” Lemmy said, pointing.

Theodore looked and saw a black fog rolling into the room from one of the tunnels. Beyond the bend of the passage, a sound could be heard. The noise of claws scraping along the rock wall grew louder, until the figure appeared. Silas Jack lurched through the shroud of vapor, his eyes shining bright red.

“Pardon us, we were just passing through!” Theodore said. He snatched Lemmy off the ground and pointed Oboe and himself in the opposite direction. Fog chased them as they raced blind through the passages.

Gloom swirled after them, filling the cavern faster than they could move. Theodore's heart pounded as he heard the thundering laugh of Silas closing in behind them. He was so panicked that he almost missed the forking path.

“Wait!” Theodore grabbed Oboe by the arm to halt her and was almost dragged off his feet.

“What??”

“The tracks!" He waved his arm toward them which ramped up the branching tunnel.

It took a precious moment for Oboe to catch his point. Dark mist swamped around their ankles. She changed herself into a large goat.

“Get on my back!” She said.

There was no time to argue. Theodore climbed on, with Lemmy clinging to his shoulder. Oboe sprang forward along the path of the tracks, bounding as fast as she could while rolling black smoke chased them up the shaft. Theodore held on for dear life, terrified of falling off. Silas reached through the thick fog behind them, his hands and face growing larger. His jaws opened, and sparks of fire licked across his teeth. Theodore grabbed Oboe by the horns and steered her away as Silas spat a spray of flames. Oboe sprinted up and up along the tracks until, with one final leap, they burst through into open daylight.

Theodore peered back, jostled as Oboe bounced down the hillside and into the trees. Black fog exploded out the mouth of the mine. It slowed, spreading in every direction now. If Silas was fast out in the open, Oboe was faster. She darted through the trees, home free.


	24. Episode 1 Chapter 24

"Idiot!" Mahala struck her son over the head with her cane. "Fool!”

“Ow!” Lemmy pawed at the fresh bump on his bowed head. “Aw ma. Don’t make such a big deal about this. It was just one train heist!”

“I don't care what it was! You could've died! You ought to be ashamed of yourself. This is the biggest embarrassment to have ever befallen the Molehill family name!”

“What about Uncle Lanny?”

Mahala struck her son a second time. Theodore wondered whether he had paid the gnome any favor by bringing him home to the Boroughs. She reeled back for a third go, but Oboe caught the cane before it connected and lifted the old gnome into the air by the stick.

“Don't be mean,” Oboe said. “Everybody makes mistakes. What matters is what he does from now on.”

Mahala glared at Oboe but said nothing. She let go and dropped to the ground, where she turned her attention to Theodore. “Thank you for returning my good-for-nothing son. You’ve no idea what this means to me.”

“Just… er, doing my job,” Theodore said, for lack of a better response. "But it wasn't just me. You ought to thank Oboe as well. I couldn't have done this without her help."

Oboe held a gasp. "Really? I thought you were mad at me!"

Part of him was. She had been a Red Cap and withheld that information, but there had been time to reflect and Theodore needed to be fair. "I don't think you or Lemmy are wicked. You got caught up in something you shouldn't have, but you also put yourself in danger to set things right. I think that deserves recognition."

"…Very well," Mahala said. "If the Ranger Deputy says I should, then I must. ...Thank you, faun, for bringing my son home."

Oboe beamed with pride, smiling ear to ear. She bent down to hand the elder fairy back her walking stick. Mahala snatched it back, grumbling.

Theodore turned toward the ruined grove of trees. “Will you two be okay? The Red Caps wrecked your home. What will you do now?”

“Eh, it’s fine.” Lemmy strolled toward the torn-up trunk. “Lots of us gnomes have growth magic. The hard part will be carving new furniture. Give it time and the Boroughs will be better than new.”

“How about you get to work if it’s so easy!” Mahala said.

Lemmy sighed and pressed his hands against the tree. He eyed Theodore sideways. “You see what I have to put up with? She's way scarier than Silas.”

Mahala shook her cane. “Less talking, more fixing!”

With his eyes closed, Lemmy concentrated. The tree creaked and budded with fresh life, growing right before their eyes. It was the same sort of magic that halted the train. It reminded Theodore that Lemmy was part of the assault. He was guilty of treason, and the law dictated he should be sent to the Court to be judged.

Precedent suggested Lemmy's reason for becoming a Red Cap did not matter. A court Justice did not offer mercy to a creature guilty of attacking humans. After all the trouble they'd gone through to save the gnome, a death sentence seemed a poor end for the fairy creature.

Theodore decided it didn't need to be a problem. He was bruised and sore and aching for sleep, and this mess had sidetracked him from researching a loophole out of this job.

“I’m glad things turned out well,” Theodore said. “I’ve other matters to attend to, so I must be on my way.”

Lemmy pulled his hands away from the tree, worn out and panting. “Wait! Mr. Deputy!”

Theodore paused long enough for the gnome to catch his breath.

“I know I said a lot of crap about humans, but you seem okay. I didn't think you lot cared about us fair folk, but you went to a lot of trouble for me. ...Mom has the right of it. Odds are I would've wound up dead if I stayed with the Red Caps. I'm still real worried about how things are, but I think with you around it might be okay. Thanks for pulling me out of there."

“You were so cool!” Oboe said. “You snuck in there and saved him and you didn’t even hurt anybody! Just like you said you would!”

Theodore felt a tingle at the praise. It was foolish, but for a moment being the Ranger Deputy didn't feel so bad. He offered them a half-hearted salute and turned toward home.


	25. Episode 1 Chapter 25

There was a loud bang, and Theodore woke with a start. Half asleep, he reached off the wrong side of bed to feel for his glasses. It took him a bleary moment to realize he was not in his old apartment. His skin crawled as he remembered he was miles from the city, deep inside the Whirlwood.

Heart racing, Theodore put on his glasses. Had he imagined the noise? It sounded like something large and heavy had fallen somewhere downstairs. He promised himself it was nothing. He rolled over to go back to sleep, only to notice the window hanging open. A draft chilled the room, and moonlight pooled through the hole. He was certain he had latched the lock before bed. It was impossible for him to sleep without checking at least twice.

He hurried, stubbing toes and fumbling in the dark, to get a lantern lit. A silhouette scrambled out the window the moment light filled the room.

Theodore slammed the shutters and locked them, as if it made a difference. Whatever that was had gotten in before. He wheeled around, assessing the room, but found nothing but a toppled chair.

There was another loud bang below, setting Theodore’s hair on end. This was no dream. He pondered what to do. Perhaps he could barricade himself in this room and hope for the best.

The Ranger Deputy badge sat on the nightstand. He took it and turned it over in his hand. Taking a deep breath, he pinned the badge to his pajamas and tried to hold onto whatever bravery he had left over from yesterday. The bedroom door creaked when he opened it, but not as much as the stairs. Each step made an impossible amount of noise until he reached the bottom.

He spotted something in the office, just beyond the glow of his lantern. A figure sitting at his desk, motionless.

Theodore forced himself to speak. “Who goes there?” He steadied his hand and puffed out his chest. “I will have you know that we are well beyond normal operating hours! Show yourself!”

An eternity passed. Theodore held his breath as the sitting figure failed to stir. He took a step closer, and the metal in the chair squeaked as it turned to face him.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Silas Jack smiled at him with rows of pointed teeth. His waxy skin was bright against the shadows. His nose was hooked, and his hair was wild beneath his stained red cap.

“What are you doing here?” Theodore said, trying to sound the part of Ranger Deputy.

Silas leaned forward. “Did I wake you?” He slammed a fist into the metal filing cabinet. Theodore flinched when it rang like thunder. “Good. Sit down. You and I need to have a little chat.”

Theodore glanced at the door. He knew he could not outrun him without Oboe. “You… You need to leave. You are trespassing on government property.”

“We can do much worse than that," Silas said.

The door opened from the outside. A troll with a squashed face leaned in through the frame.

“You want a hand with this one, boss?” She said. Her voice was deep and rasping.

Silas waved her away. “I can handle the pipsqueak, Dina. Leave us.” The door shut, and he turned his attention back to Theodore. “I told you to sit down, human.”

No good could come of this. “You’re in my chair.” Theodore said, stalling.

Silas sat back, amused. “I was here first.” He glanced toward the window as something crawled along the outside of the cottage. “You know how long these woods have been here? How many ages have come and gone since it was kissed by the Mother’s magic?” His face stiffened, his expression souring. “You think you can just settle down, build some walls, and decide how everyone else gets to live?” He banged his fist like a gavel. “We were here first! All of us! You don’t belong here! You don’t get to tell me where to sit!” He raked his claws across the desk, peeling varnish off the wood. “I’m the boss around here, and I’m telling you to sit!”

Theodore sat down, eyes wide.

The show of obedience calmed Silas. He looked down at Theodore from the far side of the desk, his smile creeping back.

“That’s right,” Silas said, sitting down again. “Now that we understand who’s in charge, do you know what I want to talk about?”

Theodore squirmed, wondering whether he would die tonight. “What?”

“Yesterday you trespassed on my land, rifled through my things, and kidnapped a member of my group.” Silas steepled his fingers. “Tell me, Deputy. You’re a lawman. How should such crimes be punished?”

Theodore said nothing. He held his breath and kept still.

“We don’t need trouble makers around here," Silas said. "We don’t need humans either. Which is why they have a habit of… disappearing.”

“Listen,” Theodore said. “I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“You are a problem.” Silas rose to his full height. “You’re getting in my way.”

Theodore held up his hands. “I’m sorry! I was just doing my job! I don’t want to be here! They put me here against my will! We can work something out!”

"Human deals are worthless," Silas said. Black smoke poured out from his coat as he moved closer. "All I want is your life."

Theodore knocked his chair back trying to get away. “I leave you alone, you leave me alone! I just want enough time to get out of this assignment! Please! I don’t want anything to do with this place! Just let me go! I don't want to die!”

There was nowhere to run. There were more monsters outside. Theodore's back was up against the wall. Silas sauntered closer, sawing his claws together, and smiled.

“Alright, human," he said. "I accept your truce. Do you know why?”

“Tell me," Theodore said, hoping not to push his luck.

“Because you know your place, and because I can kill you at any time.” Silas leaned into Theodore’s face. “Do not cross me again.”

With a gesture of magic from Silas, the door of the office snapped open. His smoke curled through the air as he glided into the night, laughing. As he faded from view, Dina the troll peeked through the door way.

“Uh. Looks like you’re off the hook. Have a good evening I guess.” She said, then reached inside and shut the door.

Theodore slumped against the wall, unsure of whether he had been spared. He rubbed the sweat from his face and pushed himself back onto shaky legs. His nerves were so fried he felt he might never sleep again.

At his feet, Theodore found his badge. He bent to pick it up and weighed it in his hand. He wasn't a knight. The job of Ranger Deputy was forced on him. The problems in the Whirlwood were too big for him to fix, and he wasn't going to die like his father. Theodore clenched the badge tight and then hurled it across the room.

He wasn't staying another night in this damned valley. Stomping across the office, he piled every last law book he could find onto the desk. Somewhere in the fine print there was a loophole that would let him wriggle free of this nightmare assignment. There had to be. All he needed to do was find it. He settled in, notepad and ink pen in hand, knowing he could not afford to fail.


	26. Episode 1 Chapter 26

Laien Military recruitment guideline 6.11.04/B stipulated that any candidate for the office of Ranger Deputy was required to have certification in Advanced Knight Training (AKT). Any personnel failing to meet this standard would have this application rejected or be dismissed if wrongfully appointed, per the decree of King Anthony Goldenroad.

There it was. Relief washed over Theodore. After hours of tearing through hundreds of pages and dozens of appendices, Theodore had found the loophole he needed. He tried to steady his shaking hand as he transcribed the finding in a formal letter of resignation. All he needed to do was present the envelope to one of the Bureaucracy Dome File Masters, and then he would be free.

The Governor would put up a fight, but it didn't matter. The law was established after an unqualified squire volunteered for the position and failed to stop a major fairy riot. If the case was brought before the courts, legal precedent was on Theodore's side. Nothing was going to stop him.

Hurrying to collect his things from around the cottage, Theodore shoved the sum of his life back into his two suitcases. He shed his Ranger Deputy uniform and put on a proper sweater vest and tie. The letter of resignation was tucked into his breast pocket. It was his ticket to the life he wanted.

Right when he was ready to leave, there was a knock at the door. Theodore kept quiet, wondering if the Red Caps had come back. A peek through the keyhole revealed it was only Oboe, who somehow looked even more excited than usual. Theodore opened the door with a sigh.

“Good morning, Theo!” She said, struggling to stand still.

“Hello Oboe,” Theodore said, frowning. “I told you not to call me that. I'm sorry, but I don’t have time for you today. I’ve important business and I need to leave." He grabbed his luggage and attempted to maneuver around her.

"Wait! Please!" She held out her arms to block his escape. "I know you've got a lot to do, but that's why I came! I was up all night thinking, and there's something I want to ask!"

There was no room to squeeze past her. "What is it?" He said, pondering whether it would be prudent to make a break for the backdoor.

“I... Um." The certainty in Oboe's face drained away, and it took her a moment to rally herself. "...It's just, yesterday was nice. I had a really good time."

Theodore tried and failed to wrap his head around what she just said. "We almost died yesterday."

"Well, yeah, that's true," she said. "That part was scary. But we helped those gnomes, and that felt really good! ...I got to be useful, and I don't get to do that very often." She hesitated, looking scared. "That's why I want to work here with you. ...If that's okay?"

Theodore squinted, growing more baffled. “You want to work here?”

“Yeah!” Oboe said. “You get to help creatures, and you get to be important, and everyone likes you and will even talk to you! It's wonderful!”

“I appreciate your interest,” Theodore said. "But I regret to say I am not hiring at this time." He tried to push past her, but Oboe grabbed him by the suitcase and planted her hooves firm on the porch.

“Wait!" She said. "I helped yesterday, right? I did a good thing! I can keep helping you! I can show you how to get any place in the valley, and I’m really strong, and I promise not to mess up! Please? If I mess up you can throw me away!”

Theodore tugged at his suitcase, but he lacked the strength to yank it free of the faun’s rigid grip. She stared at him with big pleading eyes.

"I can't hire you!" Theodore said, growling.

"Why not?" Her ears drooped. "What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you!" He said, pulling with all his strength. "I don't need an assistant! I'm quitting!"

Oboe let go of the suitcase, and Theodore fell to the ground in a heap.

"What?" Her face went slack. "You're leaving?? Why would you leave? No! You can't leave! Please don't leave! We need you here! Who's going to be the Ranger Deputy??"

“Someone else,” Theodore said. He stood up and brushed himself off. "My assignment here was a mistake, but I trust my replacement will be more than capable of serving your needs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way."

Before Theodore could escape, Oboe picked him up by the waist and hauled him back inside the cottage with his legs kicking in the air. “You just got here!” She said, sitting him down at his desk. “It was months before the king sent a new Ranger Deputy! What are we supposed to do without you? Who’s going stop Silas?!”

Theodore sprang back to his feet. “What do you want me to do? Look at me!” He flapped his hands at his scrawny body. “I’m not a knight! I’m a clerk! I can’t fight that maniac! He’d kill me! There’s nothing I can do!!”

Oboe looked away, her lips tight. “When you came here, you said the Ranger Deputy doesn’t have to fight anybody.” Her eyes came into focus as she spotted something. She bent down, and picked the Ranger Deputy badge off the floor. “You said you could help us without having to slay creatures. That…” She looked him in the eye and began to tear up. “That sounded wonderful. I want a Ranger Deputy like you.”

Theodore felt a slap of guilt. He never meant to get anyone’s hopes up. All he wanted was a quiet life of study, one where he didn't have to kill or run the risk of being killed. His fingers curled into a fist. Governor Farbend forced him into this situation, and Oboe was trying to force him to stay. No one was going to tell him what to do with his life. “This isn't where I belong. Whatever kind of man you think I am, that's not who I am.”

“What about Silas?” Oboe followed Theodore as he moved to leave. “The Red Caps are grabbing creatures all over and picking fights with humans! You’re the only one we can go to for help!”

That was a problem. Silas planned to seize the Fount, which would be considered an act of civil war. There was no way he could stop that himself. “I’ll report what I know to the city Knight Watchmen. They can raid the Red Cap hideout and put a stop to it.”

“No!!” Oboe pulled at her mane. “If you send knights, they’ll slay everybody! There’s lots of good creatures who joined the Red Caps for the wrong reasons! Like me, or Lemmy! They don’t deserve to die!”

“There’s nothing else I can do!" Theodore said. "Do you think I can reason with him or something? He tried to kill us! He’s dangerous!”

The faun stared at the floor, clutching the Ranger Deputy badge to her chest. “You could try.” She took Theodore's hand and placed badge in his palm. “Please stay.”

Theodore scowled at the badge. He had forgotten to pack it, and would have gotten grief for failing to return it alongside his uniforms. Glaring at Oboe, he said: “No.”

A long, taut silence fell between them.

“Can we still be friends?” She said.

Pushing past her and out the door, Theodore started the long hike to put his time in the Whirlwood behind him.


	27. Episode 1 Chapter 27

The trails of the Whirlwood confused and misled. Theodore found himself looping back to the same groves over and over, and when he found dead-ends he would double back to find someplace new. It was as if the forest itself conspired to keep him. It was no matter. Theodore fixed his eyes on capital city, which sat high over the valley on its farthest rim. Whenever he lost his way, he peered up through the trees and marched toward the city like a beacon.

He emerged from the woodland, shabby and worn. The city walls loomed high. The watchmen raised the portcullis, and Lieutenant Fritz sauntered out with a sword in hand.

“You got papers to enter?" He said. "If not, piss off.”

“I'm sorry?” Theodore was startled by the watchman's tone. “Lieutenant, we’ve met before.”

“I'm not falling for that," Fritz said. “What you look like doesn’t count for much. You might be a shapeshifter. Maybe a bogeyman, or a doppelganger.” He waved, and a pair of archers on the wall trained their crossbows on Theodore. “If you are who you say you are, then prove it. Otherwise, get lost.”

Theodore felt a deep unease. After longing for home for so long, it was strange to be treated like a threat. He dug through his luggage to find his citizen visa. Fritz took his time checking it for spells with an adder stone: A small rock with a hole worn through the center that you could peer through to see past magical illusions.

“No offense meant, Deputy.” Fritz handed the documents back. The archers stood down at his signal. “Can’t be too careful. The creatures will try anything.”

“It’s fine,” Theodore said, even if it was not. “Is the Captain nearby?”

“Myra?” Fritz sheathed his sword. “Yeah. She’ll be drilling the cadets. I’ll show you.”

The gate rattled shut behind them as the lieutenant led Theodore to the barracks training yard. A large archery target was propped against the far wall with a crudely drawn werewolf on it. A row of trainees took aim with crossbows. With a click and a thunk, one bolt after another sank into the werewolf's face and chest. Theodore thought of the sweet-tempered werewolf man he met in the Whirlwood.

Myra Redriver swaggered out onto the firing range in her armor like a roguish teapot. “Ned! Gracie! You’re both dead!” She said. “Go sit down!”

“But I hit the target!” One cadet said.

Myra laughed at her. “Yeah, in the arm! You think that’s going to stop a Red Cap? You may only get one shot. Aim for vitals!”

Theodore approached, clearing his throat. "Captain? Do you have a moment?"

Myra eyeballed Theodore a moment before recognizing him. “Ah, Grayweather.” She offered him a short salute. “Glad to see the creatures haven’t skewered you yet. What brings you back to civilization?”

“I have important intelligence to report,” Theodore said. “Can we speak in private?”

“If you like.” She led him inside the barracks, where she pushed open a door left hanging open.

Theodore froze at the sight of the Captain's office. Papers were piled and scattered across every surface without rhyme or reason. Letters, report forms, requisition requests, newspapers, knives, and accounting sheets were all mixed haphazard. Several half-eaten apples were rotting in odd corners beneath layers of dust. He winced as Myra tipped a chair over and spilled papers all over the floor to make a seat for him.

“What have you got for us, Deputy?” She said, settling into her own chair

It took all of Theodore's strength to resist the urge to start cleaning. He took a deep breath to focus.

“I’ve uncovered what Silas Jack is planning," he said.

Myra did a double take. “You’re joking.”

“No,” Theodore said, annoyed. “He’s forcibly conscripting creatures to build an army. He plans to seize control of the Fount in order to cut off our supply of magic.”

“Damned devil!” The Captain swung onto her feet and paced her office. “If we could find the bastard maybe we could stop it before it comes to that.”

“You can’t find him?” Theodore said. “His hideout is in Crookhole Mine.”

She jumped. “What?! Where is that? What is that?”

“It’s an old magic mine, North of Gnomes Borough.”

Myra tore through her mess until she found a map, then swept everything off of her desk to make room for it. “Show me!”

The map was less useful than Theodore would have liked. None of Oboe's landmarks were labeled. There were vague blobs listed as “Fairies” and “Ghasts,” and little else. Theodore knew the mine was along the base of the Upside Hills, but East of a Moss Tub Lake. He pointed to where it ought to be, and Myra drew a circle around his finger.

“This is fantastic!” She said. “Those book-head wizards have been trying to scry the location for months! How did you figure this out?!"

"I..." Theodore felt strange being congratulated for achieving the impossible. "I just asked where it was."

She stared him, baffled, before laughing out loud. "Leave it to a Grayweather to actually get something done!” She wheeled him closer to the desk. “What's your plan?"

He blinked. "My plan?"

"Yes! Your plan!" She threw open a locker and a pile of weapons fell out onto the floor.   
"This is your jurisdiction. You're the authority in the Whirlwood, so you're in command of the raid. Do you need to borrow a sword?” She started piling blades onto the desk. “I remember you not having a sword for some weird reason.”

Theodore slipped out of his seat. “I want nothing to do with this. I'm quitting."

“Quitting?" Myra frowned. "Is this a joke? You just started!"

"I've had enough," Theodore said. "I’m entrusting this to you."

Captain Redriver waited, as if still expecting the punchline of a joke. When it was clear Theodore was serious, she sighed.

“Disappointing," she said. "I know it's a shit post, but..." She held her tongue. "Well, at least you’ve done more for me than the last guy.” Myra flashed a smirk. "It's fine. The Watch can handle this. Give me time to prepare and I'll rally a strike force. We'll swoop in and crush every last one of those Red Caps before they even know what's happening.”

A sick feeling took root in Theodore’s gut. “Isn’t that a bit extreme? Silas is forcing innocents to fight for him. There’s no reason to kill all of them.”

“Starting to feel for the wildlife?” The Captain clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s cute, kid, but we’re talking about the safety of Laien here. The Red Caps are a disease. There’ll be no knowing who’s infected and who’s not. We’re stopping this before it spreads.”


	28. Episode 1 Chapter 28

Theodore slouched on a bench in the lobby of the Bureaucracy Dome and waited for his number to be called. He arrived late in the afternoon and was caught in the rush of people who put off their business until the last hours of the day. Dozens of citizens, young and old, noble and lowborn, rich and homeless, all sat shoulder to shoulder with listless resignation. Theodore had no choice but to wait. Light shining through the high vaulted windows crept across the floor as the day wore thin.

Theodore turned the envelope over in his hand and went over his plan for the hundredth time. He would present his violation forms to the Clerk Commandant and have him void the royal appointment. Once that was done he could finally concentrate on enrolling himself into the university. It was only a matter of time.

He fidgeted. Squeezing his palm, he watched as the people around him were called to the counter one by one. Dread welled up inside him as his turn ticked closer. Oboe's words still rang in his ears and made him itch.

The knights would slaughter any creature party to the Red Caps, regardless of why they were there. Captain Redriver refused to take chances. Mercy would only lead to another revolt.

Oboe and Lemmy would be safe, but there were others who were forced to join the Red Caps. Some had reason to join, frustrated with how the city had treated them. They would all wind up dead. It made Theodore think of the promise he made Lemmy: that he would do what he could to help. But there was nothing he could do. Silas was a killer, and there was no way Theodore could stop him. Handing this off to the Knight's Watch was the only responsible thing he could do.

For a moment, he was a child again. Somewhere deep inside Crookhole mine, he remembered being cornered by a wicked nymph and werewolf. His heart was pounding. He knew they were a moment away from killing him.

Then father came. The creatures screamed as they died, and the sound was worse than all the fear he felt before. Theodore left the cave with his father, but the screams came with him. They kept him company in the dead of night, and stayed with him when his father called him to train. He cringed, his stomach twisting into knots.

Silas was still a living creature. He was angry with how creatures were treated. Angry enough to kill. Was he just wicked? Or was there more to it than that?

“Number Twenty-Three Twenty-Two!”

Theodore stood up. That was his number. He staggered over to the counter and on the way realized he had crumpled his envelope in his hand. Shaken, he steadied himself and flattened it out again. The Whirlwood Valley was not his problem. If he was going to become a scholar, the city is where he belonged.

The secretary directed him to booth seven, where Clerk Commandant Silverstone looked up from his documents. He didn’t seem to recognize Theodore.

“Good afternoon, sir. What can I do for you?”

Theodore pulled the Ranger Deputy badge out of his pocket. He meant to surrender it with his violation forms. He stopped short.

“I’m Ranger Deputy Theodore Grayweather. I’m here on official business. I need full access to the creature records as part of an investigation.”


	29. Episode 1 Chapter 29

Theodore wondered what he was doing. He tucked his ticket to freedom into his pocket and pushed open the door to his old office. Work was piled high on the desks, with stacks of unfiled reports everywhere. Either the dome had failed to assign a replacement, or the person selected was incompetent.

"Theodore?!" Randall, his old co-worker, fumbled with an armload of paperwork before dropping it all on the floor. He looked relieved beyond words. "Does this mean you're back?!"

"No." He brushed past Randall and forced himself to focus on the task at hand.

Every citizen of Laien left a paper trail, even creatures. The corner of the archive devoted to creature records was thinner than the rest, and rarely accessed, but Theodore knew those records could tell him what he needed.

He pulled a list of all known members of the Red Caps from the Watch's reports. Silas Jack and Glut topped the list. He did not recognize the other names, but they gave him a starting point. Theodore flung open one filing cabinet after another and fingered through, cross referencing with the practice of an orchestra maestro in the throes of symphony. Data piled up on the table, and then he dug into it.

Silas Jack had a laundry list of criminal warrants. Assaulting Knight Officers, resisting arrest, conspiring against the crown, sabotaging government property. It all started six years ago. Prior to that his record was spotless. Had something happened? There was an answer here, somewhere. Theodore spread the documents out, scanning and rearranging the puzzle pieces.

Before his criminal spree, the census recorded Silas as living in a place called the Hollows. A marriage certificate was issued fourteen years ago. He was married to another ghast named Scarlett. Both names appeared on a birth certificate for a daughter called Nixie. Were they part of the Red Caps as well? Those names did not appear on the list.

Silas maintained a city visa for decades. He paid taxes on a job as, of all things, a government employee. His job was transporting harvested magic from the Fount to the capital. Eight years later, he stopped filing taxes. Was he fired? No. That was around the time the train was completed. He would've been laid off. In place of an income, there were other government job applications, requests for haunting territory, and pleas for financial aid. Everything was stamped for rejection. Theodore narrowed his search to documents after this point, and that's when he found the court case.

Scarlett and Nixie were charged and convicted with home invasion, burglary, and using haunting territory not assigned to them. Crimes of desperation. Both of them were sentenced to execution. Six years ago, the census noted them both as deceased. Two months later, Silas was registered as wicked for crimes of violence. That's when he became the first Red Cap. Theodore leaned back. All the puzzle pieces were put together, and what they revealed was a tragedy. Now the anger made sense.

There were similar stories to be found among his accomplices. Glut the Terror was never allowed to enter the city for exceeding acceptable levels of monstrous appearance. The troll Dina reported that she’d been driven out of her home by humans, but there was no record of follow up from the Ranger Deputy. Rowan the nymph filed complaint after complaint that his work on government farmland was never paid. They were all the sort of problems the Ranger Deputy was expected to investigate, and yet they were not. The pattern continued, and then the Ranger Deputies started to disappear.

There was the solution. Theodore collected his notes and hurried, worried he had wasted too much time researching. Outside, the skyline had turned a golden amber. He raced out of the office, forgetting to refile the documents, forgetting his suitcases, and caught the first trolley bound toward the city gates.

After a restless ride, he climbed off the trolley before it came to a full halt. He ran all the way to the train station just outside the city. There was a skeleton crew of watchmen, and the train was gone. Theodore grabbed the first guard he could find.

“Where is Captain Red River?!” Theodore said, pointing his badge in the man's face. “I’m the Ranger Deputy and I need to speak to her at once!”

The watchman pushed him off. “You missed her. She took every knight we could spare for a raid on the Red Caps. Come back in the morning. With any luck, she’ll have them all slain by daylight.”


	30. Episode 1 Chapter 30

Without the train, Theodore was forced to enter the Whirlwood on foot. He ran downhill, his mind prickling with every terrible possibility. Was it already too late? Had the fighting already started? Were creatures dead? Had the knights been killed? He passed through the tree line, feeling heavy with guilt. He had to act now before something happened, assuming it hadn’t already, assuming his plan was worth a damn. He shouldn’t have handed this over to the Watch. If only he had researched the Red Caps sooner, or faster, maybe he could have done something, anything.

The twisting trails wrapped back on themselves and sent Theodore racing in circles. Shadows deepened around him and the last red dregs of daylight bled from the sky. There was no time. Theodore growled in frustration as he looped back to the same crossroad, with the same oak tree, for the third time. He spun in place, wondering how anyone ever found their way in this damned place.

If Oboe were here he might have a chance. She understood the Whirlwood and how to navigate it. The problem was she could be anywhere. Theodore stood as much a chance of finding her as he stood finding his way.

But if she were here, what would she do?

Theodore looked up into the oak tree. “Hello?” He said. “Birds? Are there any birds I can talk to? I’ll settle for squirrels! Anyone, really!”

“What’s wrong with squirrels?!” A gray squirrel said, bounding down from the highest branches to glare at Theodore.

A nightingale popped out of a knothole. “Face facts: Birds are the best. Sooner you get that, sooner you understand how the world works.”

The squirrel hurled an acorn, but the Nightingale ducked. “Come out here and say that to my face, beak brain!”

Theodore waved for attention. “Please! I don't have time for this! I need your help! Have either of you seen Oboe?”

They glanced at one another. "Who?" 

Theodore tried to describe her. “She’s a faun. Brown fur. Extremely excitable. She’s strong and can turn into other things.”

“Oh, her.” The nightingale said with a hint of distaste. "I heard some starlings gossiping. They saw her at the Boroughs and there was a whole horde of Red Caps following her." 

"What?!" Was she in danger? "How do I get there from here?" 

"Oh, that's easy." The squirrel said. "I know a shortcut. If you go take that path on the left, turn right, then take another right when you loop back here, climb the hill and you'll hit Gnomes Borough in no time.”

That didn't make any sense. “Can’t I just take the right path now?”

The nightingale snickered. “Look at the hatchling. Doesn’t even know how the Whirlwood folds itself. What a loser.”

"Listen bub." The squirrel flicked his tail. "If you don't like my advice, don't ask for it. You're interrupting a busy schedule of nut collecting!" 

"Yeah!" The Nightingale said. "And I want to take a nap! Stop bothering us!" 

The squirrel leapt into the branches and the bird vanishing back down its hole, leaving Theodore with no option but to try.


	31. Episode 1 Chapter 31

The sky faded to murky twilight. Theodore followed the instructions of the squirrel, worried he was wasting more time. Sure enough, he found himself pushing uphill into the outskirts of the Gnome Boroughs.

"A human!!" Dozens of voices shrieked in unison. Rabbits, squirrels, foxes, deer, and gnomes all scattered to hide at the sight of Theodore.

"What??" Oboe came thrashing out from the overgrowth. "No! Leave the ferals alone! Don't hurt them!" 

She froze, wide eyed when she realized who she was looking at. “...Theo?” She pursed her lips tight. She did not seem happy to see him. “You’re back? What are you doing here? I thought you left forever!”

“I…” Whatever explanation Theodore could manage slipped away. “What’s happened? I heard the Watch launched a raid on the Red Caps."

Oboe glared at him. “A whole herd of knights poured out of the train a few hours ago. They stomped up through the North side and chased everybody out of the mine." 

A familiar gnome peeked out from its hiding spot. "It's you!" Lemmy said, and pulled himself up onto a rock. "It's okay everybody! This human won't hurt you!"

A few skittish ferals crept out of hiding, but most remained skeptical.

"What's with all these animals?" Theodore asked. 

"They're the Red Cap ferals." Lemmy said. "Oboe brought them here." 

"Silas just left them behind." Oboe folded her arms. "I had to help them hide! The knights want to kill them!" 

Theodore was baffled. "Why would he abandon any of his forces?" 

Oboe motioned for him to follow. She led her through the foliage, away from other creatures, to the cliffside she'd shown him before. She pointed off into the distance. There was a camp, set up by the Watch, surrounding the Fount and lit up with bright red bonfires.

"Silas wants to hold the Fount," she said. "He took all the ghasts and fairies who'd follow, but he left the ferals. They're like humans. They can't breathe magic. I guess he thinks the knights won't pounce while they're down there." 

Silas went through with his plan after all. It looked hopeless for the Red Caps. They were holed up in a pit, while Myra surrounded them with barricades along the higher ground.

Theodore grimaced. “Silas doesn’t stand a chance. He’s outnumbered, bad. Captain Redriver is likely waiting for enough breathing masks to stage an assault. There’s going to be a massacre.”

Oboe tugged at the hair on her arms, watching as the stage was set below them. “This is what you wanted, right?” She looked Theodore, and narrowed her eyes.“The knights are going to slay everybody. Did you come back to watch them die?”

“No!” Theodore said, horrified.

The sun set. The shadows deepened, but Oboe's eyes were bright in the dark. Behind her, the bonfires burned and smoke climbed into the sky. "Then why did you come back?"

"I..." Theodore hesitated. For the first time, Oboe looked the part of myth. She was a fey creature, something other, one of the wild things that once preyed on mankind in the time before the treaties. He remembered the wicked nymph in the caves so many years ago, how she argued with the werewolf for the right to hurt him. He stared into Oboe’s face, his heart wrenching at the memory of the swing of his father’s sword. He remembered the spray of feathers and a dying scream. He remembered the sight of the body, and feeling sorry that she was dead.

"I made a mistake,” Theodore said. “You were right. You need a Ranger deputy. I should not have left, and I can’t let this happen. I need your help to stop this.”

“My help?” Oboe was taken off guard. “What can someone like me do?”

“Stop that,” Theodore said. “I know you’re capable. If you can rescue the ferals, you can help me stop this. I can’t do this without you.”

Her gaze lowered, then hardened into a look of determination. “What do you need me to do?”

“I can’t afford to get lost, and you know how to navigate,” Theodore said. He stepped toward the edge of the cliff and pointed at the Fount. “Can you take me there?”

She stepped up, peering out, shaking just a little bit. "Yeah?"

“Quickly?”

She tightened her lips. “Yes.” She said.

“Then let’s go,” Theodore said.

“Okay.” She grabbed Theodore by the wrist and leapt off the cliff.


	32. Episode 1 Chapter 32

As Theodore plummeted toward the bottom of the cliff, hand-in-hand with Oboe, he took the opportunity to regret every decision in his life that led up to this moment.

Hurtling through the air, Oboe transformed herself. She took the shape of a gargantuan condor and hammered her wings into a glide. Theodore screamed as he dangled, her talons gripped around his belt. Somehow, Theodore caught his glasses as they fell off his face. Oboe swooped across the treetops at breakneck speed, angling herself towards the Fount.

“We’re too heavy!” she said, flapping as hard as she could to keep their altitude. “Hang on!!”

“What?! Hang on to what?!” All Theodore could see was a blur of motion until they tumbled through the tree canopy. Branches cracked under them, and Theodore shut his eyes as the ground rushed up to hit him.

After a few moments, Theodore opened his eyes to find out why none of his bones were broken. He fumbled his glasses back onto his face, and found himself hanging just off the ground. Oboe, a faun again, was splayed across the bough of an oak and holding him up by the scruff of his shirt. An entire battalion of knights was staring at them.

“Good evening,” Theodore said, swaying in the wind. “Ranger Deputy Grayweather. I need to speak to your Captain rather urgently.”

The knights exchanged baffled glances until the most decorated officer among them was forced to issue an order. "Fetch Myra," he said, and a youth was sent running.

Theodore looked up at Oboe. “You can put me down now.”

“Oh! Okay!” She let go. He dropped onto his feet, unhurt, and she jumped down beside him.

“Fairy!” Someone shouted, and a dozen swords were drawn. Oboe backed away, frightened, and Theodore stepped in front of her.

“Stand down!” Theodore said. “The faun is with me! She is not a threat!”

The men lowered their swords, but did not sheath them. More knights marched onto the scene, wielding torches. Myra Redriver strode to the front, armored from head to foot in dented plate mail.

“Grayweather? I thought…” Suspicion flashed in Myra’s eyes. She turned to the officer with the most helmet plumage. “This could be a trick. Have you scanned him for spells?”

Theodore pointed his badge at the Captain. “Check me if you must! It's me!"

An adder stone was passed around. When his face and papers were authenticated, Myra's scowl faded away. "Surprised to see you back here, Deputy. Weren't you quitting? Did you decide to come and watch the show?"

Theodore looked back at Oboe. “I had a change of heart.” He turned back toward the Captain. “Report. What is the situation?”

“We’ve got that blackguard Silas pinned down in the Fount. He thinks he’s safe down there, but we’ll have the last laugh. We brought enough breathing masks to launch an assault, but I’m waiting for more to arrive before I give the order. I'm not leaving anything to chance. We're wiping the Red Caps out for good."

Theodore shook his head. “No. Cancel that order. You aren't going to attack them.”

Myra made a face like he called her mother a troll. “Excuse me?”

“There will be no assault," he said. "Tell your men to stand down. I want to try talking to the creatures.”

It took the Captain a few moments to get over her disbelief. She swiveled to face the officer holding Theodore’s paperwork. “Are you certain this isn’t some sort of magic imposter?”

A quick double check. “Positive,” her subordinate said.

Myra wheeled around and leaned right into Theodore’s face. “Are you out of your mind, boy? We are dealing with outlaws. Terrorists! They’re dangerous, and they’re not going to listen to reason!”

Theodore felt himself tremble but steeled himself. “I want to try! No one has to die here!”

She bared her teeth. “No. Do you know how many men I’ve lost to these monsters? They’ve been trying to kill us for months! They’re wicked. We're exterminating the lot of them before they hurt anyone else.”

“That’s not your decision to make!” Theodore said. “This is my jurisdiction!"

"It was," Myra said. "But you walked away and left me in charge. If you want to help, you can grab a sword and fall in line."

"I'm the Ranger Deputy!" Theodore pressed a thumb to his badge. "I’m the one charged to keep peace in the Whirlwood! By king's law, so long as you're in the valley, you answer to me! I'm talking to them!"

"They'll kill you," she said.

"If you have a problem with my plan, you can do what you want when I'm dead! Stand aside!"

Theodore and Myra stood in silence, locked in a stare off. After a breathless lifetime, Myra scoffed.

“Stubborn like your old man.” She moved out of his way. “Fine. Try your fool plan. When it backfires, we'll be here to mop up.”

Theodore stepped past her. Oboe followed, silent and trying to hide behind him. Together, they walked toward the valley floor.


	33. Episode 1 Chapter 33

The heat of the bonfires fought against the chill of the evening. Behind the watchman's barricade, wizards busied themselves preparing spells for the coming battle. Brittle shards of petrified magic were crushed by hand. The energy inside was shaped into spells and then tied to objects before it dispersed. There were feathers, and bells, and beakers of ichor brewing on burners. Theodore paused to watch as a university student conjured a great orb of fire into the air. It was captured on the wick of a candle and placed on a table alongside a long line of others. It was artillery for the battle to come.

The wall of knights parted to allow Theodore to cross the blockade. Rows of soldiers armed with crossbows stood along the high ground overlooking the Fount. Theodore approached the ridge, and already the air, so dense with wild magic, began to sting his eyes and throat.

Darkness pooled below. They stood on the rim of the valley floor, which was a deep basin of stone and rock. The sun was gone. The bonfires danced and cast shadows. It was difficult to see anything below except the soft ethereal glow of magic wafting up from the Fount's wells, but something shined through the mist and the dark. Dozens of eyes were staring up at Theodore, in every shape and size.

Theodore wondered what he was doing here. Was it even possible to stop this battle? He held a brass horn in his hand, given to him by the quartermaster. It was enchanted to magnify his voice if he spoke into it. That was, assuming, he could find the words to speak. He raised the horn to his lips, his heart pounding.

“My name is Theodore!" He said. "I was appointed by King Stonewall to serve as your Ranger Deputy! I have come to speak to you all in the hope that no one has to die today!"

“We know who you are, little man!” The silhouette of Silas Jack stepped out from the mist. “Tell your king we are not afraid of him, his swords, or his spells! Come and fight, and we will show you!"

Theodore tightened his grip on the horn. “We do not have to fight! I just want to talk!”

“Talk?” Silas laughed, and pointed a claw. “I see six archers at the ready on either side of you! I see fire and blades! I see an army! If you want to talk, then do it without a weapon pointed!”

Theodore turned toward the guards. “You heard him. Disarm.”

The commanding officer scowled at him. “Those aren’t Redriver’s orders.”

“I’m giving you new ones!" Theodore said. "All of you! Either drop your weapon or fall back!”

A signal was given. The perimeter guards moved back behind the barricade, leaving Theodore alone and unprotected.

“Good!” Silas said. “Now come down here! Then, we can talk!”

“I cannot! The magic is toxic! I won’t be able to speak!”

“That’s right,” Silas said. “And you know why? Because you don’t belong here! The Mother of Magic does not want you! The Whirlwood belongs to ghasts! It belongs to fairies! Not to humans, with their walls, their kings, and their laws!”

The creatures around Silas broke into howls and jeers. “Get out!” They shouted. “Make them pay!” “Kill the humans!” The beasts writhed in the dark, all wings and claws and teeth.

“You’re angry!” Theodore spoke over the crowd. “You’ve been wronged, and you’ve been neglected!” The creatures went quiet, surprised to be acknowledged in this way. “You’ve been punished by King’s Law, but there’s been no one looking out for you! That would make anyone angry! But we can fix this! There is no need for violence!”

Silas shook a fist at Theodore. “You think you know anything about our suffering?! What we’ve been through?! You don’t know the first thing about it!”

Theodore pulled a packet of notes from his pocket, and unfolded his hand-written summary of all he had learned from creature archives.

“I will tell you what I know.”


	34. Epiasode 1 Chapter 34

Theodore squinted to read his notes in the dark. The wind tugged at the edges of the pages. What he could make out was enough the jar the details from his still-fresh memory.

“Rowan Thornbriar!” Theodore called out. “Are you here?”

The birch-skinned nymph stepped forward, glaring up at Theodore. He wore a coat of moss, and flowers in his silver hair. “How do you know my name?”

“According to public record, you worked for the North Manor farmlands for a period of three months, but the tax reports for that year suggest that you were never paid. You filed several complaints with my predecessors, but there is no report of them investigating. However, you were registered as wicked after the farmers filed a complaint against you.”

“So?" Rowan said. "You want to laugh about it?”

“What I want is to make you an offer,” Theodore said. “I already have enough evidence to indict the farm administration for fraud. I can arrange for you to receive back pay and to have your wicked status suspended. What I ask is that you walk away from this conflict and halt all aggressions!”

Rowan looked stunned. “Are… are you serious?”

“This is a trick!” Silas said, grabbing Rowan by the shoulder. “Do you take us for fools?! Any creature who even tries to leave will be cut down!”

“They will not!” Theodore said. “I have ordered all forces on the West side to stand down! Ask your scouts if you do not believe me! I swear to you, anyone who wants to leave in peace will be allowed to do so!”

There was silence. Rowan appeared to consider the offer. Silas spun to face the nymph. “You know better than to trust a human. Their oaths are empty: Devoid of magic. Thornbriar, you deserve justice, and you will find it only by taking it!”

“I…” The doubt in Rowan’s face drained away. “Yes. You’re right, of course. I know better.” He looked up at Theodore. “Nice try, human! You offer too little, too late!”

Theodore’s hands began to shake. His plan wasn’t working. What if all he was doing was ruining Myra’s chances of stopping Silas? He glanced back at his notes. There was no turning back. He had to try.

“Very well.” He said. “Then I ask to speak to a Curdie Trogmeyer.

A goblin ambled out from the dark, a sword propped against his shoulder. He was a small shriveled man with a peat skin, a bulbous nose, and a trim green beard. He bowed with mocking flourish.

Theodore checked his notes. “I understand you are a weaponsmith."

“I was.” His voice was a sharp rasp. “I’m not much of anything if I’m not allowed in the city to sell my wares.”

“I want to help you. I can arrange for your visa and trade permit to be reinstated.”

Curdie grimaced. “Everything I had was confiscated by the city watch. My whole living: gone. You gonna promise to give me all that back?”

Could he? Theodore broke into a sweat. He wanted to say whatever Curdie wanted to hear, but he had no way of knowing what had happened to any of the goblin’s property. Lying would not repair the damage done. “I need time to investigate what happened, but I promise you I will make this right.”

The goblin spat. “Worthless.” He said, and receded into the shadows.

Theodore fumbled with his notes. He was losing control of this disaster. He was a fool to send his protection away. He should never have come. He needed to call the archers back, get out of there. He looked back, and saw Oboe watching him from behind the barricade. Her hands were folded tight, her eyes worried. He turned back.

“D…” He took a deep breath. “Dina Stonefed!”

Silas watched with smug satisfaction as a troll lollopped forward on her legs and fists. She stared up at him, and Theodore struggled to recall the details of her case.

“Eight months ago you—“

“Can you get my home back?” Dina blurted out before Theodore could finish.

“What?” Theodore was caught off guard.

“Humans chased me and my kids off our land! Can you give us our home back?!”

It took Theodore a frazzled moment to realize that she wanted his help. “—Yes. Yes! I saw your land title! No one has a right to remove you!”

“Good! You got a deal!”

Silas pulled the troll’s head to face him. “What do you think you are doing?! Have you gone mad?!”

Dina shoved Silas back. “All I ever wanted was for the humans to treat us with respect! Now one is doing that, and you still want us to fight! I’m not going to die here just because you’ve got a death wish! I’m leaving!"

“Traitor!” Silas shouted after her as she left. “Coward!”

Rowan Thornbriar rushed forward, pushing Silas out of the way. “Wait!” he said. “I don’t want to be wicked! Please, let me change my answer! Please!”

Theodore could not believe his ears. “Yes! Of course! Let me help you!”

“What?! No!” Black tendrils of smoke exploded out from under Silas’ coat. He struck Rowan across the face and sent him staggering. “You worthless trash!! You will fight or I will kill you myself!”

Rowan wiped a streak of fresh amber blood from his face. He looked at Silas, speechless. Murmurs broke out among the crowd. Before Silas could say another word, Rowan ran. Silas moved to give chase, but others from the crowd rushed past him to speak to Theodore. Every sort of creature, from gnomes, and furies, trolls and sylphs, goblins and werewolves, ghouls and nymphs, to pooka and unicorn, all came running to the foot of the hill. All of them started shouting over one another, yelling complaints, begging for mercy, and asking for help. Even Glut the spider monster scrambled forward. Theodore watched them, overwhelmed with relief.

“Everyone!” He said. “I want to help each and every one of you! But I want you to be safe! If you want peace, leave now and come see me during business hours! I will do my best to serve all of you!”

Whatever Silas said next was drowned out by the stampede of creatures racing to escape. Even the ones who resisted like Curdie thought better once the tide turned. In one frantic minute, the Fount emptied and Silas Jack was left standing by himself: alone.

Theodore raised the horn to his lips again.

“Silas Jack. It is not too late. I extend my offer to you, as well. Surrender, promise you will discontinue aggression against the crown, and I will grant you amnesty.”

The leader of the Red Caps stood there, still and silent, his pale body clear in the moonlight. His smoke dispersed. He hesitated but then stepped forward. With one jump, he sprang to the top of the ridge to face Theodore.

“This is the right choice,” Theodore said. He dropped the horn. “If we work together, I think we can make the Whirlwood better. I want to help you, just tell me what you need.”

Silas seized Theodore by the throat and lifted him off the ground. Theodore thrashed and choked as Silas pulled him closer, squeezing tight. Inky black tears poured down the ghast’s face as he whispered one word: “Revenge.”


	35. Episode 1 Chapter 35

Theodore gasped for air, choking as Silas tightened his grip. He tried to pull the creature's hand away from his neck but wasn't strong enough. His mind swam.

Silas swung Theodore over the edge of the edge and hurled him into the dark. Theodore hit the ground, pinwheeling against the rocks. His glasses were gone, knocked off. He pushed himself to stand but doubled over coughing as magic pushed its way into his lungs like burning coals. His vision blurred. A figure dropped into the pit after him. A shroud of black fog spread around him, threatening to engulf him.

“Bastard!” Silas said as he kicked Theodore onto his back. Worse than the pain was gagging for air that would not come. "Is this what you call a truce?!” Claws raked across Theodore’s chest, tearing his clothes and flesh. "You've taken everything from me!” A fist like iron pounded across Theodore’s bare face. “Devil damn you!”

Theodore twisted his head to dodge another blow. He reached for the breathing mask in his pocket, only to feel it torn out of his hand.

“You want to help me?” Silas said, crushing the mask his hand. “Then die!”

There was no escape. Theodore lacked the strength to move. Moments from the end, Theodore thought of his father. Was it like this when he died? Would they see one another again? Silas reeled back to strike.

“No!!” Oboe’s voice rang like a cannon. She burst through the fog and collided with Silas. “Stay away from him!!”

The two figures grappled, and Silas was dragged off Theodore. All Theodore could do was retch as his body went numb. Oboe roared, her body shifting with claws and horns and teeth. Silas answered in kind, his arms and body arcing like scythes. Theodore felt his mind fade as he watched the fight, helpless. He struggled to keep track of who was who, as the two animals shrieked and tore at one another. His eyes grew heavy.

A strap snapped around Theodore’s head. His nose and mouth were wrapped snug in leather. He could breathe. He heaved deep, starved mouthful. Life flowed back into him, enough to feel the pain and blood. He looked up to see Watchmen Fritz staring down at him. He wore a breathing mask, just like the one he just forced onto Theodore's face. He said something, angry, but his voice was muffled by his mask and the noise. Fritz stood up and charged toward the skirmish.

Oboe had taken the shape of a lioness but was on the retreat. She limped, blood staining her fur. Silas doubled in size, growing huge. He skittered along the ground on all fours and leapt to pounce with long bladed fingers. Before Silas could tear her apart, Oboe shrank and slipped through his claws: a blue bird taking flight.

A half dozen knights closed in around Silas, swords ready. A fraction of the army Myra had brought, but all the breathing masks on hand. They scattered as Silas belched a stream of fire, but two managed to flank the ghast and plunge their blades in his hide. He screamed.

Delirious, Theodore was a child again. Trapped, watching a creature die, feeling nothing but horror and despair. He shouted for them to stop, his throat still raw and sore from inhaling ether. His voice did not carry. Silas swung his arms and threw soldiers off, but it was too late. They piled on, stabbing and slashing. Silas roared, fighting, until his voice broke into a wailing sob. Theodore could not see the tears, only hear them. Until they stopped.

The mob of knights backed away and sheathed their swords. Their work was done.


	36. Episode 1 Chapter 36

“Ow!”

“Stop squirming,” the medic said. He was an older university mage, with green robes and a drawl in his voice. “Sooner I get this over with, sooner we go home."

Theodore tried to lie still as the medic stitched his chest wound. When the battle had ended, Fritz and the other knights carried him from the Fount and laid him on a cot by the bonfires. There was a lot of blood, but he was alive. The numbing spell took care of most of the pain, but it was hard for him to watch another man thread his skin with a needle. He tried to think about something else but his head was still foggy.

“Where’s Oboe?” He said, his throat hoarse.

“Who now?”

He sat up. “The faun I came with!” He felt a sudden rush of panic. “She was in the battle! Have you seen her? She was hurt. You need to help her!”

The medic sighed and forced Theodore back down. “Son, I got my hands full. You just worry about yourself. Now shut up and sit still.”

Theodore tried, with difficulty, to distract himself. He wondered how he would find his glasses now that they were lost in the Fount and his vision was a soft smear. It then occurred to him that was not the only thing he had lost. His luggage, including several unfinished library books, was still sitting on the floor somewhere back at the Bureaucracy Dome in violation of office policy.

“There,” the medic said, dressing the wound. He dropped a bottle of pills into Theodore’s lap. “Green ones are for the pain. Black ones are to flush the magic out of your body. Take one of each a day, or else you’ll wish you died instead.”

Theodore nodded.

“Could’ve been worse,” the medic said, gathering his tools. “Devil missed your vitals. If he played with you any longer I don't think I would've had anything to sew together."

“What were you thinking?” Fritz said. The Lieutenant sat on a tree stump nearby, scraping his sword with a whetstone. “We had everything in hand. All you had to do was stay out of the way. Nearly got yourself killed like a damn fool.”

Theodore glared. “You would have killed all of those creatures.”

“Yeah? So?” Fritz said. Theodore couldn't make out his face, but unimagined it to be insufferable. “Did you forget that every one of those monsters was a wanted criminal? Do you know how many times they attacked us? You know how many friends of mine they killed?” Fritz held out a handful of fingers. “They're wicked! A threat! And you let them run free! You think they're going to play nice because you decided to coddle them? Just a matter of time until they start picking fights with civilians now. We were gonna pull them up by the roots, but you tied our hands! If we hadn't stepped in, you would've got what you deserved!"

“Lieutenant!” Captain Redriver said, shrill as a kettle. She put herself between them. “That is your superior you are speaking to! You will respect King’s law or I’ll smack it back into you!”

Fritz went quiet. “…Yes sir. Apologies, sir.”

“Get out of here.” She pointed. “Go watch the perimeter with the cadets. That’s an order!”

The Lieutenant surrendered a grudging salute and left. The medic took the cue to slip away as well, leaving Theodore with the watch Captain and the soft crackle of the fire.

Myra sat next to Theodore. She did not look at him. For a moment, all she did was stare off.

“We’ve eliminated leadership for the Red Caps,” she said. “Their organization will be in shambles for some time. We should be able to harvest magic without problem, but we will need to stay vigilant. The outlaws were let go on a promise of good behavior." She glanced at him. "I hope you know what you are doing, Grayweather."

Theodore wished he did. “Yes,” he said.

She stood. “This is your problem now. It’s the Ranger Deputy’s job to keep order in the Whirlwood. You just made a lot of big promises to a lot of dangerous creatures.”

Whatever pride Theodore felt started to wilt, leaving a lump in his throat. "Yeah."

Myra offered him a salute. “Good luck, Deputy. You’re going to need it.”

She marched off, her boots crunching on the rocky ground into the night. Theodore was left to watch the fire and wonder whether he had done the right thing. He wanted to solve this without violence but let Silas die. He saved the creatures, but what if some were worse than Silas?

Theodore wondered what his father would think. Would he be proud? Angry? Both? Why did he care? What would he even have wanted his father to think? He shook his head. The numbing spell was starting to wear off, and Theodore felt like mush sewn up with string. He wanted to sleep, but his mind buzzed with worry about what tomorrow would bring.

Someone stuck something on his face, and his vision snapped into sharp focus. He looked up to find Oboe leaning over him with a smile.

“You need these to see, right?”


	37. Episode 1 Chapter 37

Theodore adjusted his glasses. The frame was bent, and the lenses were scratched but intact. He could work with this.

“Thank you!” He said, relieved to see Oboe. “Are you hurt? I was worried about you.”

Oboe propped her leg up on the cot, excited to show Theodore her bandages. “Look! A human wrapped my leg up! Now I’m not bleeding all over!!”

“Good. That’s good.” Theodore relaxed. “I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry you got hurt saving me.”

“Was I supposed to let you die??" She said. "Don't worry about me! I don’t matter. But you! You did it!” She put a soft hand on his shoulder, her eyes filled with emotion. “You saved everybody like you said you would! You’re wonderful!”

Theodore did not feel wonderful. “I didn’t save everyone. Silas is dead because of me. I told you I wouldn’t use violence, but I sent the knights. They…” He shuddered. The memory was still vivid and raw. “It was awful.”

Oboe plopped down on the edge of the cot. “Silas was bad. He was mean, and angry, and wanted everyone else to be like that too. You tried. That’s what matters. I don’t think he’d ever listen no matter how nice you were.”

Theodore did not believe that. There were reasons Silas became what he was. Theodore wondered what else could've been done and was left feeling helpless. He stared into the bonfire.

“Did I do the right thing?” He asked himself. “I let everyone go, but… what if nothing changes? What if this all starts over again?”

“Well…” Oboe tensed. “I think that depends. Are you going to stay?”

Theodore remembered the envelope. Groaning, he reached and pulled it out from his pants pocket. It was wrinkled and damp with his sweat. The loophole was still a ticket out of the Whirlwood. But...

“I made a commitment,” Theodore said. “I told the Red Caps I would help them with their problems. I can’t leave until that’s done.”

Oboe gave him a big smile. “Good! If we have a Ranger Deputy like you, then everything will be fine.”

Theodore gave her a skeptical look. “Like me?” he scoffed. “I'm not cut out for this. This will be a disaster.”

“No. I think you’re perfect.” Oboe said and hopped onto her hooves. “Remember when you found me? I was in a smelly cage. You didn't trust me but were kind and let me out anyway. I don't think I ever met a human like that. If we have a Ranger Deputy that's nice like you, I don't think there will be any more Red Caps."

“I left," he said. “I abandoned you.”

“You came back,” Oboe said. “You didn't want to, but you did anyway. Things worked out. Maybe they'll keep working out.”

Theodore sat up and ran his hand over the envelope. He doubted things would be as simple as Oboe said, but her words gave him courage. This wasn't the life he wanted for himself, but maybe it was where he belonged.

He flattened the envelope out and flicked it into the bonfire. It curled to smoke in seconds.

“There,” Theodore said. “Now that that's done, there’s something I need to discuss with you.”

“Huh?”

Theodore straightened his posture. “I’ve had time to reconsider your application for employment with the Ranger Deputy office. It occurs to me that if I am going to take my new responsibilities seriously, then having someone with your experience and knowledge at my disposal would be an invaluable asset. If you are still interested, I’d like to formally offer you the position of Assistant to the Ranger Deputy.”

Oboe froze, her eyes wide. She began to vibrate, bubbling over with excitement. “Really??” She lunged into a hug, squeezing Theodore. “Are you serious?!”

“Aarrgh!” Theodore said, “Let go! Watch the stitches!”

“Sorry!” She released him but could not sit still. She paced, her hands pressed to her chin. “I can’t believe this! This is so cool! I get to work with the Ranger Deputy! Wow! …Oh!” She stopped as suddenly as she started. “Wait. Wait, hold on. One thing. I’m gonna do it, but I just got one condition, okay?

This caught Theodore off guard. “What is it?”

“I want us to be friends. Please?”

It seemed a strange request. Theodore did not keep many friends but, after everything, he supposed one couldn't hurt. He let himself smile.

“Okay,” He said.

Oboe’s eyes lit up, somehow even giddier than before. She pulled him into one more hug and was careful of the stitches this time.

The warmth of her response soothed his troubled thoughts. Whatever he wanted of his life could wait. There was work to do and he never liked this left undone.


End file.
